I am an introvert, more or less. I don’t like big crowds and loud parties. I’ll be the one off in the corner hoping desperately for one or two people to have a good conversation with, not flitting from group to group chatting everyone up.
I’m more likely the one that has a book in my purse, and is frantically trying to think of a good reason to leave early rather than have to start a conversation with someone new. Schmoozing is difficult.
I realized this week that I have really been missing the small, selective gatherings, and the occasional larger gatherings (read: church festivals) I had scattered throughout my routine before the pandemic. I had forgotten how much energy I received from seeing people I care about.
Rather than a straight up introvert, it’s probably more accurate for me to say that I am an introvert with borderline extrovert tendencies.
I’m really happy to see my close spiritual family a few times a month, and my wider spiritual family a few times a year. I’d rather meet with a few people at a time, and then retreat back to the sanctuary of my home.
For six months now, I’ve been making due with the occasional one on one connection, snatched between other scheduled activities and mostly outdoors. Hugs have been few and far between (except, thankfully, from my husband and children). Seeing people online was enough.
However, my surge capacity has been exhausted. (Thank you to Brené Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us, for pointing me in the direction of this article: Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful by Tara Haelle.) “Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems — mental and physical — that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations, such as natural disasters.”
The problem, according to Haelle, is that the pandemic is not only not short-term, there is no end in sight. Add to that the losses for most of us are ambiguous and difficult to put into words. Most of us have not lost a loved one or a job (and my sincerest condolences to those who have).
The good news here, at least for me, is that this awareness informs me that I need to make an effort to have more in person connections with those that I am able to meet with. Online connections help for those who are too far away to meet with in person.
Want to go for coffee or tea?
Blessings,
Mary