I’ve been in a fog since March 11th. That was the day I took part of the day off of work because I was mourning the transition of Spring Mysteries Festival from an in person live event to an online event.
Even though I had known it was a possibility for a while, I had been praying that the worst would hold off long enough for SMF to happen. When the official decision was made, I cried. And cried. I thought I could hold myself together to make it through the day at work, and the tears just would not stop.
Two days later, lockdown was announced for BC, and my work went crazy cancelling and postponing events, and the next week I started working from home.
I feel like I’ve been in a fog since then, and maybe – just maybe – the fog is finally starting to lift.
How do you describe the fog of collective trauma? Anxiety, depression, fatigue, lack of motivation while frantically attempting to prepare for the worst. Worrying about every little cough or ache, wanting to see friends and family while worrying about their health and safety. And through it all, high levels of stress that won’t calm.
So what’s changed?
On the surface, not a lot. We are still mostly in lockdown. I’m back to working at work, though I’m frequently on my own, or very distant from my coworkers. We are mostly preparing for alternatives to our prior business model (fun times for a live theatre…)
We’ve had the occasional takeout meal, though those are fairly few and far between. Eating in a restaurant is not likely to happen for my family in the near future.
I have had a couple of visits with friends while keeping physical distance. It’s not the same as giving lots of hugs, and it is better than video calls.
I’m being lazy, and not feeling guilty. I’ve stopped pushing myself to make face masks. I am still making a few here and there, and I’m not at a sewing machine all day every day. I’ve gone swimming in the ocean. I’m playing video games with my boys. I’m enjoying sleeping in instead of getting up early to go to the Farmers Market. I’m cross-stitching a little here and there.
I can’t even say that my perspective has changed, other than perhaps I’ve become acclimatized to our current reality. Maybe the stars have shifted, or enough people have woken up to our evolution, or some small discovery has set us on a course to a better future, or… who knows?
And then, in my search for an image for today’s post, I found this quote:
And she felt the fog lift as she finally decided that her imperfections and mistakes did not make her any less of a beautiful person. As she became able to love who she was, flaws and all, her life suddenly brightened.
Judith Belmont – www.belmontwellness.com
Maybe it is the work I’ve been doing on myself. Maybe it is a little bit of all of these things, or something I haven’t thought of yet.
Change is in the air. Hope is on the rise. Whatever the cause, I feel lighter, and I hope you do as well.
Blessings,
Mary