Last week was pretty emotional for me. I was up and down (mostly down) all week. Strong emotion is exhausting. Even as I am writing this now, I would rather be taking a nap, though that could be because I just got home from my 7 year old’s birthday party.
It’s possible that I was reacting to the energies of 12-12-12 leading up to the Winter Solstice, aka the end of the world. I’m taking that with a healthy dose of skepticism. While there is definitely a part of me that would like to be more sensitive and psychic, there is also a part of me that doesn’t want to be associated with all the fluffy, head-in-the-clouds type new age girls.
Another factor in my extreme emotions last week was physiology – namely, PMS. The ‘pre’ part didn’t really apply, but my moon cycle hit me much harder this month than it has for a very long time. I don’t know if that is because it coincided with the actual moon cycle being dark. All I know is that I cried a lot last week, even at work when there wasn’t really anything to cry about.
Then there are the stresses at work, and I’m not even going to mention the horrific events that happened around the world on Friday.
The biggest factor was financial stress. December is an expensive month for me. My husband’s birthday is at the beginning of the month, my youngest son’s birthday is at the Winter Solstice, and then of course there is the consumerist holiday… I mean, Christmas itself. Yes, we still celebrate giving gifts at Christmas, mostly because of the children, and partly because I haven’t gotten out of the habit. I would celebrate Yule, except that I feel it is more important for my son to have his birthday, so we celebrate Yule on the 25th.
And this year, my parents are coming out for a visit. I’m really looking forward to that, because I haven’t seen them since my grandmother died a few years ago, and they haven’t seen the boys for even longer than that. And it adds a little more stress to the household finances.
I pride myself on being a positive person. While I am not completely immune to fear, I can generally move past it pretty quickly. Once in a while, though, I stumble and fall hard. Last week was one of those times. I succumbed to fear for a few days.
Thankfully, I have an amazing partner who helped me move through the fear without pushing or ridiculing. I also honored Hekate by celebrating her Dienon (ritual dinner) on the night of the dark moon. Here’s a link to the beautifully written ritual I used. This particular ritual includes blessing a non-perishable food item and donating to the local food bank.
For good measure, we also “sacrificed” a goat to Hermes. Before you freak out, sacrifice in my world means “to make sacred”. I made a donation of two shares of a goat on Heifer International. Heifer gives the livestock to families around the world who need a little extra help, and trains them how to sustain themselves with the animals. For example, using the goat’s milk to help feed the family.
Both of these contributions helped remind me that I really do have a lot, and there are so many people out there who have less than I do. It helped me move from fear back into gratitude. And a little caffeine and sugar boost didn’t hurt my mood either!