I Surrender (Again…)

Last week I wrote about a message I received from my guides, about getting serious with my daily practice – meditation, grounding, and connecting.

The other message I received from them was about surrendering, letting go of control. (This isn’t an issue for me, I don’t know what your talking about… just don’t go read about the last time I surrendered, or the post about letting it go, or…)

OK, fine. I’m a control freak. I like to know what’s going on. I like to be in control. I like to have a plan.

Trust in the Universe, trust in the Divine Plan, say my guides.

I can’t, I say. I have three children to take care of. I need to know that I will be able to house and feed them.

Trust.

I’m afraid.

RobinWoodTarot-FourofPentaclesAt Hekate’s Sickle, at one of the rituals, we had an opportunity to draw a tarot card. I was hoping for a positive card, something that would show things looking up, changes coming. I drew the Four of Pentacles, also known as the miser card. It’s not the happiest card, but the message was clear.

By holding on so tightly, by needing to be in control, I’m not allowing myself to enjoy life. And chances are good, I may end up losing it all.

It sums up exactly what I’m feeling. Security is important to me. However, being a control freak isn’t serving me.

The nice thing about tarot is that it is a snapshot of where you are. You have free will, so you can change your future.

I surrender, God/Goddess/Universe. You have a higher vantage point than I do. Please guide me in the direction of my highest good and the highest good of all.

Surrender is not something I can do once. It is a choice I have to continue making, each day and each moment. It’s not always an easy choice, and I’m working on choosing it more often.

Blessings,

Mary

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho…

It’s back to work I go.

Heigh HoI’ve been (mostly) off work for the past 6 weeks. I say mostly because I have had one shift a week, and some Union things to deal with. I can’t believe it is over already. Today I am back to full time hours.

This summer has been a contrast from previous layoffs. Previous summers were marked by me freaking out about how we were going to make ends meet, and trying to squeak the most out of every penny.

I’ve been a lot more relaxed this summer, for a few different reasons. Part of it is likely that we’ve survived twice now. And yes, there were some rough spots, and we got through them. Part of it is that I opted not to apply for Employment Insurance this summer, due to several circumstances. So I wasn’t having to look over my shoulder and make sure I was dancing to all of their rules and regulations.

A big part of it, though, is that I looked ahead, and started reading tarot at the Pier Street Farmer’s Market back in May. And I will probably continue until it ends in September.

The tarot reading has been much more successful than I expected. I was worried that I wouldn’t make enough on my own to cover my expenses for the booth, so I enlisted the help of a friend so we could split the costs. I needn’t have worried. It’s been doing great – and I have a tarot party coming up!

So while I have still been mindful about how I am allocating my resources, I’ve also been a lot more relaxed about it.

I’ve also accomplished most of what I wanted to achieve while I was off work. I wrote a new course that I will be teaching at the Woolston-Steen Theological Seminary. I made another sweater coat, and I’m working on a third. I have material for more. I enjoyed time with my parents while they were out visiting. And I’ve spent some time with my husband and children.

I tell people all the time to trust the Universe and it will provide. This summer has been living proof of that for me, and I am abundantly grateful.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU UNIVERSE!

Blessings,

Mary

Learning to Trust

Not long ago, I would have said I am pretty trusting. I tend to take people at face value, until and unless they prove me wrong.

Learning to TrustIn one of my classes, we were given an assignment to visualize how different our lives would be if we had complete trust in the Universe. Let’s just say that visualization painted a vastly different picture of life than the one I am currently living.

As I meditated on the idea of living in perfect love and perfect trust, I came to the realization that I try too hard to control situations and outcomes. I have a strong need for security, and that comes out as controlling, plotting and planning. And worrying. Lots of worrying.

Then Goddess reminded me that She’s got it covered. My job is to ask and visualize the result. It is not my job to figure out the how. My job is to trust Deity and take the inspired actions that come from listening with trust. It is not my job to plan out all the minute details and possible outcomes.

It was a lot easier to come to the realization than it was to implement. Just meditating on it in the morning wasn’t enough. I wrote the word “Trust” on the inside of my left wrist so I could see it throughout the day and be reminded of what Goddess had told me. I renew the ink regularly.

That one small reminder has made a big difference. There is a lot of stress and change at work right now. It’s one place where I have been expending a ton of energy worrying and planning (trying to control the outcome). Now I actually catch myself in the worry, and I let it go right there. I remind myself that Goddess has my back, and I ask that everything work out in my highest good and in the highest good of all.

Nothing has actually changed at work. It is still stressful, and I still find myself getting frustrated at times. But my reaction to it has changed. I remember to trust in Deity, and that’s a whole lot less draining.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s still a work in progress. I think that writing is going to be on my wrist for a while. And progress is still amazing!

Do you trust the Universe – the Divine? How do you stay on track?

Blessings,

Mary

Choosing Love or Choosing Fear?

The other day on Facebook, this picture caught my eye:

Fear vs. Love

Fear vs. Love

It was paired with the following quote (thank you, Erica Boersma):

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” ~ Les Brown

It was perfect timing for me, as I was contemplating the idea of stepping out of my comfort zone.

For some time now, I feel I have been in a bit of a holding pattern.  There are many things I would like to do, and yet I need to be able to feed my children.  So I continue working at my day job, tinkering away at several other projects on the side, and hoping that a miracle will happen, or deus ex machina will save me from my routine.

I understand that for my situation to change, *I* must change. And still, fear holds me back.  I chose to bring these three amazing children into this world, and I chose the responsibility that goes along with it.  So how can I make a choice that threatens their very survival?

In my coaching work, I encourage others to trust that the Universe will provide.  And if I were my only responsibility, I would absolutely trust. Its not just me though. Others depend on me for food and shelter. So how do I reconcile that with my trust (or in this case, the lack of trust) in the Universe?

I am definitely feeling like the figure in the drawing, walking a tightrope between who I am now, and who I want to be.  And at any moment, fear or love could tip the balance and send me plummeting down or racing forward. Or, the choice could leave me frozen in space, not willing to step forward or backward.

There are times when I think it would be easier if I were less aware.  I could go to work and watch television and not know how much more was out there to experience.  Yet, Oliver Wendell Holmes spoke true when he said,

The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size.

So I shall wait for the fear to pass, and turn my mind to thoughts of love and abundance, and pray that change comes easily and joyfully.

Have any of you ever faced a major decision in your life that affected others, including yourself?  How did you deal with it?  I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Blessings,

Mary

The First Signs of Change

Last week as I was walking through the path in the woods near my house, I stopped suddenly because there was a robin right in the middle of the path.  It hopped a few feet ahead, then came back as I stood absolutely still.  I watched as it pulled up some leaves, looking for food.

I took the opportunity to practice “fox walking”, which I learned in the Coyote Mentoring course I took several years ago from Wes Gietz, slowly and silently following the robin as it made its way down the path.

I opened up my field of vision (“owl eyes” from Coyote Mentoring), and saw many other birds flitting around me in the forest.  I saw a hummingbird, more robins and sparrows enjoying the evening. After a little while, another robin came and sat in a tree just above the robin that had stopped me on the path.  My robin flew up to the tree, and very soon chased the other robin off.

I continued down the path, remembering to practice my quiet walking, and keeping my eyes open for the other birds that were in the trees, seeing if I could get close without startling them.

Just before I came to the end of the path, a bird crashed around in the branches as it flew from one tree to the next beside me.  I looked, and saw another (the same?) robin.  After saying hello, I continued my walk, wanting to get home to my dinner.

On the street just around the corner from my home, I heard a loud rustling in the bushes in the neighbor’s yard.  I looked, and there was another robin.  I stopped completely, looked at the bird that was looking at me, and said, “OK! I’m listening! What message do you have for me?”

I received the message to look up the symbolism of the robin.  When I arrived home, I went straight to the computer. 🙂

On several different websites, I learned that robins are symbols of new beginnings.  Just as we may not yet be able to feel the warmth of spring when the robins first return from their winter homes, we know when we see them that spring is on its way.

Knowing that nothing has meaning except the meaning I give it, I chose to see my visits from the robin as a sign that a new season has already begun in my life.  I may not see the material and physical signs, yet I have been sent a message that those more apparent signs are just around the corner. That thought has helped me keep positive through some challenges that have come up over the past week.

Blessings,

Mary

An Invitation…

I recently returned home from The Peaceful Woman Maui Facilitator Passage.  This is the third time I have gone, and it continues to amaze me.  Or rather, I continue to amaze myself.

How do you describe your own inner journey to someone else? How do you put deeply personal and meaningful “aha” moments into words?  The Peaceful Woman Maui Passage is a week long journey into your own truth.  And each time I return, I learn more and more about myself.  I learn how to cut through the noise in my own head, to drop into that still place inside myself where my soul resides.  I learn how to be the observer in my own life–how am I occurring in this situation?  And what does that say about how I occur in the rest of my life?

I arrive open to the teachings this time and this place have prepared for me, vulnerable in the knowledge that I have manifested the experiences that will take me to the next level.  I am here to support the other women on their journey, and I allow myself to be supported, by conscious women who become soul sisters, as well as by Mother Maui, a magical island that has much to share.  I tune in, listening to the requests of the women with me on this Passage, my body,  and Mother Nature all around me, knowing they are all reflections of my innermost Divine self.  I share my experiences and insights, and soak up the breakthrough moments like the rays of brilliant sunshine.

I dance the ancient dance, blessing the land, and walk the labyrinth to my center and back.  I am cleansed in the river of feminine energy, and purified in the ocean where the ancients landed their canoes.  I am teleported to the sacred place where the sky meets the land, from which messages are sent and received.  I walk the fields of heat and passion, sweat out the stones that block my Light, and claim my blessings.  I sway with strong bamboo, bathe in healing waterfalls, and am pampered into a state of relaxed bliss.  I unite with my sisters to carry us swiftly across the waves to sing to the turtles, and swim amidst rainbow colored fish.  I celebrate the journey with dancing, singing and feasting!

And throughout I am treated to the wisdom of the Hawai’ian culture.

Experience is a better teacher than any book, and nature is the best classroom there is.

This is my truth, and I choose to live from this place of peace and power.  I invite you to join me, to know your truth, and live your truth. I am leading Peaceful Woman Maui Passages August 15th-21st, and September 12th-18th, and there are other dates with other incredible facilitators available. For a limited time, you can get 10% off the full price of your Passage.  Please enter coupon code “MM”.  There are also limited spaces for facilitators still available.  Contact me here if that is something you are interested in.

Here’s my experience from my first Passage:

Blessings,

Mary

The Energy of Money

It’s tax time for many people, and so money is in our thoughts a lot right now.  Money has been a big issue for me, and one of the things that I have been working to retrain my mind about in the last year and a half is that money is just another form of energy.

There are lots of cliches about money.  Consciously or not, these cultural teaching affect how we interact with money.  I have been working on my abundance mindset, and being in the flow of money, having it flow to me and through me effortlessly and abundantly.

The other morning, I found myself slipping back into some old thought patterns: I need more money for ______; How am I going to pay for _______; I still owe ______; etc.

Then I gave myself a mental shake.  I recognized the old pathway my mind was travelling down, and I consciously stepped off of that old path.

“Wait a second!” I thought to myself.  “I have just had an abundance of energy and money flow through me in the past couple of weeks!”  Ok, it flowed through me, and went out just as fast as it came in, but I was in the flow.  My bills are paid, and the money I needed for a couple of unplanned things (car repairs!) was there for me when I needed.

In that moment, my whole energy shifted.  Instead of being worried and tense, I was relaxed and peaceful.  Instead of being anxious, I felt extremely grateful.  I am now aware that an experience I was looking for in my life is present, right here and right now, and it gives me the sustaining faith that I will continue to have this experience.  I AM in the flow, and I AM manifesting abundance in my life!

To what do I credit the shift in consciousness?  It started with the Millionaire Mind Intensive in October of 2008, which helped me to start changing my beliefs about money. This led to other courses and events with Peak Potentials, which helped me break through some of the fears that were holding me back and build a network of supportive, positive people who have goals and beliefs similar to mine.  Then my husband and I attended CEO Space in May of 2009, which expanded my vision of what I am here to do in the world and led me to The Peaceful Woman.  Most recently, I have been taking part in The Peaceful Woman’s Inspired Living Coaching Program, and that has helped me be aware of what I want to manifest, and become conscious of when I am manifesting those experiences into my life.

Here are a couple of the books I have read that have helped me create this positive change:

I’d love to hear about your relationship with money, and any tips you have for making it a positive one!

Blessings,

Mary

Today’s the Day

Today’s the day…
Miracles are happening in my life.

Today’s the day…
I leave the past behind me.

Today’s the day…
My life is changing
For the better!

Today’s the day…
My dreams are becoming reality.

Today’s the day…
The work I have been doing
Bears fruit.

Today’s the day…
I am aligned with my purpose
And success comes easily.

Today’s the day…
The goals I have been working toward
Are realized, and new goals
Spring up before me.

Today’s the day…
The pieces of the puzzle
The Universe has been moving for me
Fall into place.

I don’t know what.
I don’t know where.
I don’t know who or how.

All I know is
Today’s the day!
I feel truly blessed
And I am so grateful.

Blessings,
Mary

Winter Solstice

Last night we had our annual Solstice Celebration, “Banish the Dark.”  It was a much smaller group than we have sometimes had, and yet we had an excellent meal cooked by my wonderful husband, and some good discussion.

After dinner, we turned off all the lights, and the fire in the fireplace had burned down to small coals.  One of the first fears that we experience as young children is fear of the dark, as my youngest immediately began complaining about.  David asked the question, “What is dark?”

My first response was, “Absence of light.”  My eldest son answered, “The opposite of light.”  Our guest suggested that a lot of sacred ceremony takes place in total darkness.

And then my lightbulb flashed.  The dark obscures outer vision so we may better see with inner vision.  We each took some time quietly meditating on that inner vision…well, the adults, anyway!

Then my husband lit a single candle from the almost extinguished coals of the fire.  How bright that light seemed after being in the darkness for a while! Slowly, we lit more and more candles, and the room became bright once more.  The higher we lifted our lights, the brighter the room became.

Winter Solstice Candles

I also took time to recall another Winter Solstice four years ago.  I had done many things to encourage my youngest to be born, but was waiting until the time he chose.  I went out for a walk on my own in the dying hours of the day.  I walked the path through the woods behind my home, across the two streams, down to the ocean, across the rocky beach to come to the entrance to my neighborhood, and back up to home.  I was out for at least an hour, in the rain and fading light.  The whole time I was out, I spoke to the baby inside me, encouraging him to come snuggle in my arms.  Just before two the next morning, my third son was born, echoing the rebirth of the Sun.

In my darkest hour, I went within, and new light sparked forth.

May you have the courage to face the darkness, your shadow, and through the challenge lift your light high for others to see.  All good things are coming to me, and to you.

Blessings

Mary

Faith Manages

I had a conversation recently on facebook with a friend of mine about faith and trust.  I was planning to copy that conversation and edit it for today’s blog post.  Facebook is not letting me see that message thread right now, so instead I have to have faith and trust that I can rebuild my thoughts on the subject!  How’s that for irony?

My friend was questioning a decision she had made.  She saw it as a test of her personal values, and was questioning the Source that would challenge her in this way at this time in her life, and given other recent events.

The first thing that came to mind was a line from a Babylon 5 episode: Confessions and Lamentations.  In the episode, an entire species (the Markab) was being wiped out by a plague, and the remaining Markabs were quarantined in a part of the space station.  None of the doctors knew if the plague would affect other species, and so they were left to themselves to die.  An ambassador of the Minbari, Delenn and her assistant, Lenier, who are of the religious caste of their race, go in to the quarantined area to give what comfort they can to the last Markabs, not knowing if they will succumb to the illness or not.

They come upon a little girl who is crying:

Delenn: She has separated from her mother. Please find her.
Lennier: [looks around, somewhat lost] How?
Delenn: [to Lennier] Faith manages.
Delenn: [turning to Markab girl] What is her name?
Markab Girl: Mama.
[Delenn turns and looks at Lennier again]
Lennier: Faith… manages.

This quote rings through my head whenever I am facing a seemingly insurmountable challenge, and I have no idea where the solution will come from.  As long as I believe that everything will work out, it usually does.  They did find the girl’s mama, by the way, and Delenn and Lenier survived, though the Markab race was completely wiped out.

Going back to my friend, I reminded her of some of my beliefs.  They may or may not be your beliefs, and that’s ok.

I am a soul having a human experience. I *chose* to come here, and I *chose* many (all?) of the challenges I have faced in this life before I came. Why? So I could experience things my soul may not have experienced before, or perhaps so I could choose to respond differently this time.

The Earth is a big playground, where all these amazing, all-powerful, creative beings have come to experience EVERYTHING! However, on the journey here, we forget that we are amazing, all-powerful creators. So we struggle. But the playground is essentially harmless. It is beneficent even. What is my ultimate goal here? Experience everything with joy and gratitude. So even when, ESPECIALLY when, something “bad” happens to me, something painful, something WAY better is just around the corner.

But do I BELIEVE that? Do I TRUST that the playground is harmless, that it is here to fulfill my every wish? Or will I let myself get bogged down in the pain? Do I celebrate when I pass a test of my resolution? Or do I rail against the Universe for testing me in the first place? As the creator of my Universe, I would only be railing against myself.

Do you see the joke? Once you see it, and can laugh at it, challenges become easier to face.

So I choose to CELEBRATE! In my friend’s case, she could see the pattern of where her previous choices have not brought her joy, and now she has chosen differently! While it may seem painful at the moment, something WAY better is now available to her because she learned and exercised her power of choice. Woo hoo!

Wishing you the vision to see  and the sense of humor to laugh,

Mary

PS. Facebook came through at the end and let me see the thread.  You know, once I had mostly finished writing.