Heart Full

Thank you to everyone who has reached out in the last little while, sending supportive messages and energy and encouragement. I was really on the mend already by the time I wrote last week – the worst was over. And it was wonderful to receive your comments. Thank you.

My-Heart-is-FullUnfortunately, I am not able to share details of the drama in my personal life. Those who know me personally are aware of the situation, and maybe one day I will be able to share what has been happening. I can share that my family life is good.

Progress has been made, though resolution is still some ways off, as is healing. I keep having to remind myself that things didn’t get this way overnight, so they are not going to be resolved overnight.

My mind still blows things out of proportion, for example, when plans change unexpectedly. For example, last night I received an email that I had been expecting earlier, and it threw off my evening plans. It took me a while to calm down. I still want to escape and just watch Netflix or sew.

That said, I am having more positive moments. I am slowly feeling more social, or at east less anti-social. I met with a counselor last week, and he was able to help me to find some good insights. I’ve even started creating again. I’ve got a Celtic knot purse on the go, and another one planned as well as a couple of sweater coats on the go.

And, of course, I’ve got rehearsals for Spring Mysteries Festival to keep me busy. (You can still register at the Early Bird rate until January 31st!) Yes, it is time to journey to Eleusis again.

Anyway, I reassure you all that I am on the mend. Thank you for helping fill my heart. I really appreciate it!

Blessings,

Mary

 

Thank you!

Thank you to everyone who commented on last week’s blog post! I appreciate hearing from you and receiving your feedback. It’s nice to not feel alone. Mwah! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Thank you roseAlso, thank you to everyone who has sent prayers and healing to my cousin, Dawn. She has had two surgeries this week, and is still in intensive care. Further prayers and healing are much appreciated!

On a more personal note, I’m feeling quite down right now. This is the second time I’m typing this blog post. Despite having autosaved several drafts, my computer crashed and nothing was there when I restarted. You have failed me, Internet!

In spite of being off work, I don’t feel like I’ve really had any time to rest yet. I’ve had several tarot parties, a wedding, a Reiki attunement and volunteering at MusicFest (which I didn’t get to see any of because of the other commitments, and wanting my own space).

I’ve also had several dramas unfold around me. The first drama revolved around me trying to help out a stranger.

I received a call last week from a woman who was looking for a place to camp with her three large dogs while she looked for a new place to live. Because of the fire ban, all of the forestry camping (free) is closed, so she was looking for a property to stay on while she looked for somewhere else, possibly for up to a month. She assured me she was self-sufficient. I’m pretty trusting, so I offered my yard as a place to land for a couple of days to begin her search.

I was out when she arrived on Saturday. My wonderful husband was here when she arrived, and invited herself, and her three dogs, into our home (which is pretty small for the five of us already living here, and we’re family). And asked to store meat in our freezer. And our neighbor’s freezer. And took a long shower. And informed him that she only had one set of clothes (who picks up their life to move somewhere new with no clothes?). And showed no signs of pitching a tent. And asked way too many personal questions of our children.

When I arrived, I asked if she needed help setting up her tent. I was informed that she didn’t get her tent until Tuesday (?!?) and that she was planning to use the next couple of weeks here to find another place to go (!!!). Having already been prepped to her earlier behavior by my ever-patient hubby, I told her that she would have to find a new place by noon on Monday, because we were going to visit family and had a friend coming to house-sit for us, as well as having our septic worked on. I also started setting up a tent for her because I needed my home to myself.

She proceeded to try to sway my emotions by saying that she would have to go back, and how expensive and exhausting it was to come here, and how she had thought it was a bad idea to come, but the psychics had told her it would all be good. My boundaries were up, though, and I wasn’t falling for it. I put up the tent. She then asked for a sleeping bag or blankets and an air mattress.

Thankfully, she left Sunday morning, but only after taking another long shower and using up most of our hot water. I had to ask her to please save some hot water for the rest of us. And I’m glad we have someone looking after the house while we’re away!

LESSON: Be clear about my boundaries BEFORE inviting someone to my home yard.

The second drama has been going on mostly in my head, which is almost worse.

I’ve done several tarot parties this week, and most of the response has been positive. However, there have been a couple of comments that have thrown me off. Basically, at the end of the reading, they say, “That’s it? When I had it done before… (or when I read cards…)”. The Fraud Police come in sirens blaring. And I start questioning myself – I’m not psychic. I’m not good enough. Who do I think I am reading cards for other people? It doesn’t matter that I’ve done hundreds of readings now that people have appreciated or found helpful. Nope. One criticism (or in this case, three in one week), and I’m a fraud.

So now begins the process of rebuilding my shattered self-confidence. I’m snuggling my boys, and chatting and laughing with friends. It’s amazing how much a good laugh will raise your mood! I’ll be visiting one of my mentors tomorrow. And I’ll be with my family very soon. Writing about it helps, too.

Blessings,

Mary

Gratitudes – Journey to Eleusis

As this is published, I am still at the festival site, but the event is over. Today is the day of letting go, saying goodbye, and traveling home.

A lot of people helped me get to Eleusis this year, and I am so very grateful.

To David, my husband, who kept my tight schedule, driving me to the ferry, picking me up, having meals ready, getting up and driving the children to school when I got in at 3 in the morning, and putting up with me being away for almost every weekend in the last 3 months. I love you, and I appreciate you!

To Barb, who many weeks picked me up from the last ferry of the night and drove me home safely and let me sleep on the way.

To all the people who let me, or me and my son, sleep at your house: Russ and Gina, Joy, Shawna and Eman, Mary and Gabriel.

To Joy and Liz who let me carpool with them.

To Dawne, who has helped take over some of the Circle administration while I’ve been preoccupied.

To Karen and Marybeth, who helped with donations to make my travel easier.

To all of the ritual presenting team for supporting and encouraging me to stretch outside my comfort zone.

To Aphrodite, for helping me see beauty and love, in myself and others.

And to everyone else who has offered encouragement and support along the way.

Thank you roseBlessings,

Mary