You’ve heard the phrase, “It is lonely at the top”? I may not be at the top, however, I have had a taste of this loneliness from time to time.
When I first started running a Women’s Circle, it was more a group of friends getting together, and I was just the organizer, the party planner if you will. Most of the women who attended were my friends, or became my friends.
Through education and training, I became a teacher, and more and more a leader. It also began to separate me from my friends. I was driven. I knew what I wanted, and I devoted myself to my spiritual pursuits. That is, in addition to my family and a now full time job.
My increasingly busy schedule certainly didn’t help me remain as closely connected to my friends as I would like. Their lives shifted and changed as well, and many of them moved away. My Circle shifted and changed as well, and new friends came and went.
I started teaching at the Wiccan Seminary online, and taking more students in real life as well, teaching Wicca and Reiki. My new students didn’t know me as well, and by this time I had achieved some status in the ATC. I wasn’t one step ahead anymore. I was several. So I was put on a pedestal. Not by everyone, and not about everything. However, I have at least some of my personal sh!t sorted out, so I look pretty well put together.
Then, of course, there’s the rule of leaders not sharing problems down. There are not a lot of people that are willing to put in the work to progress. So the farther I go, the fewer people there are to connect with and talk to.
Thankfully, some of my students are able to clear the illusion that I am perfect (I can tell you I am DEFINITELY NOT perfect!), and treat me like a person. Yet I’m still separate. They can connect with each other in a way that I cannot, because I am the leader.
I was reminded of this at Spring Mysteries. I was so happy so many of my students were there, connecting with each other and bonding through this shared experience. Yet I was unable to spend much time with them, because I had other work to do. There we were, together yet separate.
It is definitely a case of “be careful what you wish for”. I wished to be a Priestess, a Healer and a Teacher. I just didn’t realize back then how lonely leadership could be.
I am grateful to every one of my students, online and in person. I am grateful for each of you who read my blog. And I am grateful for my teachers. I look forward to all the moments I get with each of you. Our connection is valuable to me.