Bittersweet SMF(ony)

Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony this life ~The Verve

Just over a week ago was the Lammas Monologues at the Aquarian Tabernacle Church (#GODCON). This event is an opportunity to honor the Gods by showing off our talents, particularly the talents of invoking. It is also (essentially) the auditions for the festivals that the ATC puts on.

Demeter and KoreAnd this year was the first year I have attended and not presented a monologue. I’m feeling a little conflicted.

On the one hand, it was so amazing to get to watch everyone else strut their stuff. We have some amazingly talented people in our Church! And I didn’t have to come up with a costume, or worry about what I was going to say, or deal with performance anxiety. It was awesome!

On the other hand, I actually enjoy performing – the rush, the audience reaction, and being the center of attention for just a short time. I even received a message in my morning meditation while I was there, and had no way to really share it. Talk about bittersweet.

And… I chose this. Last year took a lot out of me. I pushed myself to exhaustion. I know I need a break. I also know that other people need the opportunity to shine, to learn these lessons and mysteries and step into their own power. So why am I sad?

I’m not even fully stepping away from Spring Mysteries. I’m still the ritual director, which means I still have to go to rehearsals, and I’m very much involved. It will be easier to focus on directing when I am not also playing a role. I can work on liaising with the technical crew. I don’t have to memorize any lines.

Logically, it is a great choice. It makes a ton of sense. Yet my heart is still a little heavy. Performing and invoking facilitating ritual experiences for people is like a drug. I want more.

I’ll still be doing some of that. And I will get to witness and experience the Mysteries in a way I haven’t for seven years.

Will you join me at Spring Mysteries? And Hekate’s Sickle Festival?

Blessings,

Mary

A Wonderful Visit

I’m feeling really blessed right now.

Me and my familyFor the past (almost) two weeks, my parents were out visiting. We didn’t really do any site-seeing, or many activities. Mom and I spent a day together at the spa, and a friend of mine took us out on his boat for an evening cruise of part of the Discovery Passage.

Most of our time was spent just being together – eating meals, catching up on what has been going on in each others’ lives, watching movies. It was nice to have them here, because I don’t get to see them very often.

This past weekend was the Lammas Monologues at the Aquarian Tabernacle Church. It was the cast party from the previous Spring Mysteries Festival, and auditions for the upcoming festival, and I really wanted to be there. On the other hand, I wasn’t about to tell my parents to leave early so we could go to a party. They drove half way across the continent to see us (and other relatives), so I wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. So I invited them to come with us.

To be honest, I was a bit nervous. How were my Lutheran parents from Minnesota going to fit in and connect with my Pagan, not at all body shy, medical marijuana using spiritual family? (OK, they don’t ALL use medical marijuana.) What would they think of the Monologues, with people invoking and telling the stories of many different Gods and Goddesses from all over the world? Where would we all sleep?

It turns out, I didn’t really need to worry. My dad shared his massage toys and skills, and had some great conversations with people about energy and healing and all sorts of things. My mom was a great support, helping out in the kitchen (she loves feeding people!), and I think she had some fun, too. And their dog loved the freedom of being able to wander the property and play with other dogs.

They didn’t really say a lot when I asked them what they thought of the weekend, and whether they enjoyed themselves. I’m curious to hear more.

My spiritual family welcomed my biological family with open arms. I am so grateful for both of them!

Blessings,

Mary