Clean Up Isn’t Always Easy

We all make mistakes. It’s part of learning and growth. Sometimes fixing those mistakes is difficult.

it-took-me-a-long-time-to-learn-that-mistakes-arent-good-or-bad-theyre-just-mistakes-and-you-clean-them-up-and-go-on-mistake-quoteIt’s especially challenging when the mistake is not your own. This weekend I was at the Market as usual. I did a 15 minute reading for a woman, which is $20, and she paid me with a $50 bill. Since it was the first full reading of the day, I made change from the bottom of my cash box, where I have a few larger bills. I remember handing her a $20 and two $5’s.

Later that afternoon, she came back insisting that I had not given her the change. She remembers the experience differently – that I got up and went to the front of the tent as she left, not collecting her change. She was quite upset, and very insistent, saying that she totaled up her purchases for the day, and she should have $30 more than what she had, so I clearly had not given her the change.

I absolutely remember handing her the change. She absolutely remembers not receiving it. I offered to split the difference with her, giving her back $15, and she was insistent. I ended up giving her $30 more, meaning I paid her $10 to read her cards.

I was really upset. First, that I was accused of not being honest, that I effectively stole from her. And second, that I had to pay for her mistake. What was her mistake? Did she bring less cash to the market than she recalled? Did she forget a purchase when she was doing her tally? I have no idea. Customer service dictates that I fix it.

A day later, it still bugs me, though I can understand the panic of not being able to account for your purchases. I’ve been there, and it feels awful. Clearly she needed that $30 more than I did. At least, that’s what I tell myself to make it easier to accept. Taking it personally certainly doesn’t serve me.

I’m working on doing my own financial clean up. I’ve made some choices in the past that I’m not proud of. I took some poor advice, hoping that things would work out differently. It’s not easy to admit. It’s not easy to ask for help. And yet, for my own integrity (and my financial health), I have to clean up my mistakes.

Progress means learning from your mistakes. Making a mistake doesn’t make me a bad person, any more than the woman at the market was a bad person. I’m more interested in growth than being right, so I’ll do the clean up that is needed, even if it is uncomfortable.



Keep Your Commitments!

One of the values I hold pretty highly is integrity. The Oxford English Dictionary defines integrity as “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles”. To me, part of integrity is doing what you say you are going to do, in other words, keeping your commitments.

Your Word is Law in the UniverseWhen someone in my life drops the ball and does not do what they say they are going to do, it drives me crazy. The quickest way to upset me is to tell me you are going to do something and then not do it. I’m not talking about little things like taking out the garbage or making the bed (although if that became a pattern, then we might have to have words). I’m talking about big commitments like community projects, work assignments, or roles where other people are depending on me and you.

It seems to run in cycles. All is well, and then I’ll encounter several instances in a row. Of course, whenever something irritates me about someone else, it is never about the other person. It is always about me.

Time for some self reflection and examination.

Are there commitments I have made that I am not following through on? I tend to take on a lot of commitments, so this isn’t out of the question. While there are a few things that I have not completed, I have made sure to either de-commit or update the other person or people involved on the progress. I can’t really think of anything that I have left undone. So if that’s it, I’ve completely forgotten. (Please let me know if I’ve made a commitment to you that I haven’t completed!)

I’m pretty hard on myself when I don’t complete something. That’s part of why I don’t like to back out of anything. However, I would rather formally de-commit myself than just not do it. My word is law in the Universe. If I can’t keep my commitments to myself and others, why would the Universe support me to keep my goals and life purpose?

So if it’s not about commitments that I have not kept, what is this lesson about for me?

Thinking about the most recent occurrences, I think my responsibility lies in not being clear about the expectations related to the commitment. It is really difficult for the other person to complete a project if they don’t understand all of the pieces involved. OK, so I need to work on clear communication, perhaps putting agreements in writing.

And sometimes, it just means that the other person is not someone I can rely on.

Thank you, Universe, for the opportunity to learn and grow.



What Do You Do With Moments of Doubt?

It’s the beginning of September, and I am really no closer to having a completed course to share with you than I was at the beginning of August. I have a great idea, or at least what I think is a great idea, and I have yet to flesh it out and give it substance.

I’ve been allowing myself to be distracted by other things – anything, really – that are keeping me from creating content for you. I’ve told myself that these things are important, and they truly are. Yet I am letting my blog writing and video recording and editing, and updating my website, and evaluating a training opportunity to keep me from my course.

So this morning I had to ask myself, what’s going on here? I know how to accomplish what I want, I understand what I need to do, and I am very aware of time passing. What’s up?

Fear of FailureDoubt. I’m doubting that I have something to say that you will find valuable. I’m doubting that I can turn everything I have learned into a course that makes sense. I’m doubting that I have what it takes to help you transform your life.

There. I said it.

All this doubt really comes down to a fear of failure. I am afraid to put myself, my reputation, my word and my integrity on the line in case I fail to live up to my word, my reputation and my integrity. Keeping my word is extremely important to me. If I say I’m going to do something, it is a matter of honor that I follow through and keep my commitment.

And yet I’ve given my word to create this course.

I’ve heard that when you are faced with fear, and it is not something actually life threatening, then it means you are on the right track. If that is the case, then it means I am on the right track by creating this course.

I’ve named my fear, I’ve acknowledged it. Now it is time to face it. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Here is my commitment: I commit to writing down my initial idea for the Elements of Abundance course and working through the concept worksheet given to me by my mentor in the next two weeks.

Now my reputation and my integrity is REALLY on the line! 🙂 However, I have written it down now, and words have power. I’m using the written word to keep me accountable.  And I’m feeling my doubts and fears fade even as I make this commitment.

How do you handle moments of doubt? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.