When one is committed…

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this quote before, because I love it:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

– William Hutchison Murray

I have wanted to be a priestess ever since I read The Mists of Avalon in high school (thanks, Bill and Cole). Reading about Morgaine, and the House of Maidens, I wanted to go there. I even went to Glastonbury when I went to England in university. And yes, I *did* get up before dawn on Beltaine morning and climbed the Tor. Sadly, I did not cross through the mists. 🙁

Fast forward many years, and I am now a priestess. I’ve gone to school and received an Associate Degree in Wiccan Ministry. And I’ve been thinking about getting a priestess moon tattoo on my forehead. It’s a big step. There’s no hiding a facial tattoo. (I know, I know. Makeup. Bangs. There are totally ways to hide a tattoo on your forehead. Go with me here.)

So I’ve thought about it quite a bit. I would want it to mark a significant moment. Or maybe I ought to wait until I can retire. But that’s likely to be a long time off. I thought about getting it when I received my 3rd degree initiation. I wasn’t quite ready then. Like I said, it’s a big step.

A few weeks ago, I helped my friend Shelby cross over. Afterwards, I felt it was finally time, that I had earned it. The next question was when to actually do it. For such an important rite of passage, I didn’t want to just do it “next Tuesday”. I reached out to a friend of mine who is an astrologer over at Hestia’s Muse. Wendy gave me some great guidance, and I booked my appointment with Grey Owl Tattoo.

I asked three of my priestess friends to join me to support me through the process. Thankfully, Jenny at Grey Owl is quite spiritual, and was super accommodating with my request to make it a ritual. It probably helped that Cece put in a good word! They chanted to raise the energy, and I meditated and prayed my devotion to Goddess. Dawne even sang a song she wrote. It was powerful and moving and I felt so honored to be surrounded by powerful women. I’m so happy I got my moon tattoo. It’s empowering, and it feels so right for me. I know it’s not for everyone, though it is right for me. It was definitely a rite of passage that I am grateful I went through. I am committed to my path, and I look forward to Providence moving.


Keep Your Commitments!

One of the values I hold pretty highly is integrity. The Oxford English Dictionary defines integrity as “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles”. To me, part of integrity is doing what you say you are going to do, in other words, keeping your commitments.

Your Word is Law in the UniverseWhen someone in my life drops the ball and does not do what they say they are going to do, it drives me crazy. The quickest way to upset me is to tell me you are going to do something and then not do it. I’m not talking about little things like taking out the garbage or making the bed (although if that became a pattern, then we might have to have words). I’m talking about big commitments like community projects, work assignments, or roles where other people are depending on me and you.

It seems to run in cycles. All is well, and then I’ll encounter several instances in a row. Of course, whenever something irritates me about someone else, it is never about the other person. It is always about me.

Time for some self reflection and examination.

Are there commitments I have made that I am not following through on? I tend to take on a lot of commitments, so this isn’t out of the question. While there are a few things that I have not completed, I have made sure to either de-commit or update the other person or people involved on the progress. I can’t really think of anything that I have left undone. So if that’s it, I’ve completely forgotten. (Please let me know if I’ve made a commitment to you that I haven’t completed!)

I’m pretty hard on myself when I don’t complete something. That’s part of why I don’t like to back out of anything. However, I would rather formally de-commit myself than just not do it. My word is law in the Universe. If I can’t keep my commitments to myself and others, why would the Universe support me to keep my goals and life purpose?

So if it’s not about commitments that I have not kept, what is this lesson about for me?

Thinking about the most recent occurrences, I think my responsibility lies in not being clear about the expectations related to the commitment. It is really difficult for the other person to complete a project if they don’t understand all of the pieces involved. OK, so I need to work on clear communication, perhaps putting agreements in writing.

And sometimes, it just means that the other person is not someone I can rely on.

Thank you, Universe, for the opportunity to learn and grow.



How did that happen?

Apparently I haven’t written a blog post in about two weeks. It doesn’t feel like that long… where did the time go?

Shhhh!Last week I got sidetracked. And unfortunately, I can’t share much about it. Other than that it is something VERY exciting for me, and as soon as I have leave to share more details, I will let you know. I really want to write more, because a certain Goddess has really taken the spotlight in my life right now, but because She is connected with this exciting news, I have to keep quiet. (Any of you who know what I am talking about, please don’t share yet!)

I think I’m on the verge of taking on too much again. Either that or I’m about to experience some major growth. Or both.

I’ve had quite a few opportunities come my way, and many of them I have turned down, in the interest of keeping my sanity. I’ve also taken on several commitments that have me questioning my sanity!

I’m leading a series of telecalls on The Elements of Abundance. It’s exciting to finally have it under way, since I’ve been talking about it for so long. And the response to the first class was very positive. I’m glad I opted for the “short” version – only five weeks instead of ten!

I’m starting a class tonight that goes for most of the year. I have an online class every week, and I know there are daily practices I will have to do. I’m excited, and a little nervous. I have heard there is deep inner work that happens in this class. I’m looking forward to the learning, and a little unsure of what I will find when I look inside myself. It’s mostly good, I think, and the stuff that isn’t has been buried for a long time, so it may not be very pretty.

And then there’s the thing I can’t talk about yet. Which is a lot of work for a few months – some inner work, and a lot of research. There’s some excitement and nerves mixed in with this commitment as well.

All of this on top of my prior responsibilities – family, Circle, and work.

So basically, if the postings become sporadic over the next little while, that’s why. I’m not ignoring you, really. I’m just working on avoiding overwhelm by managing my commitments.

Here’s to an exciting start to 2013!



No More Stalling!

I’ve been writing about The Elements of Abundance Program since this summer, saying I’m going to launch it soon, keep your eyes out, blah blah blah. I’ve also written about my stumbling blocks, my excuses and my fears that have stopped me from launching the program up to this point.

I still feel like I’m not ready.

I’m not going to let that hold me back any longer, though.

I am reminded of a quote about commitment that one of my mentors shared with me several years ago:

The Universe supports meUntil one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back – Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

And so I begin. The date is set, the registration page is up, and I am now committed. You are all my witnesses. 🙂

The first Elements of Abundance 5-week Teleclass will begin on Thursday, January 10th at 6:00 pm Pacific. You can register here!

I’m keeping this session small – I’m only taking the first 12 registrations because I want to give you my full attention.

I hope to see you on the calls!



What Do You Do With Moments of Doubt?

It’s the beginning of September, and I am really no closer to having a completed course to share with you than I was at the beginning of August. I have a great idea, or at least what I think is a great idea, and I have yet to flesh it out and give it substance.

I’ve been allowing myself to be distracted by other things – anything, really – that are keeping me from creating content for you. I’ve told myself that these things are important, and they truly are. Yet I am letting my blog writing and video recording and editing, and updating my website, and evaluating a training opportunity to keep me from my course.

So this morning I had to ask myself, what’s going on here? I know how to accomplish what I want, I understand what I need to do, and I am very aware of time passing. What’s up?

Fear of FailureDoubt. I’m doubting that I have something to say that you will find valuable. I’m doubting that I can turn everything I have learned into a course that makes sense. I’m doubting that I have what it takes to help you transform your life.

There. I said it.

All this doubt really comes down to a fear of failure. I am afraid to put myself, my reputation, my word and my integrity on the line in case I fail to live up to my word, my reputation and my integrity. Keeping my word is extremely important to me. If I say I’m going to do something, it is a matter of honor that I follow through and keep my commitment.

And yet I’ve given my word to create this course.

I’ve heard that when you are faced with fear, and it is not something actually life threatening, then it means you are on the right track. If that is the case, then it means I am on the right track by creating this course.

I’ve named my fear, I’ve acknowledged it. Now it is time to face it. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Here is my commitment: I commit to writing down my initial idea for the Elements of Abundance course and working through the concept worksheet given to me by my mentor in the next two weeks.

Now my reputation and my integrity is REALLY on the line! 🙂 However, I have written it down now, and words have power. I’m using the written word to keep me accountable.  And I’m feeling my doubts and fears fade even as I make this commitment.

How do you handle moments of doubt? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Love and Marriage

Spring is in the air (except in Fargo, where I heard it snowed this weekend), and everywhere the plants and animals are feeling the reproductive vibes. I think of that scene from Bambi where all the critters get twitterpated.

Even the royals have caught the fever, as we saw with William and Catherine’s wedding on Friday.  I didn’t actually watch the nuptials (sleep was much more important to me), I just saw some of the photos online.

Were we really so young? 🙂

Also last week, my husband and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. I’m really proud of that.  15 years, and still happily married.  A significant chunk of the married population falls to the 7 year itch, and many never make it past 3-5 years!

I heard an audio recording with Marc Victor Hansen a few years ago, and he said he and his wife throw a huge celebration and renew their commitment to each other every year. My sweetie heard it too, and we really like the idea.

Tired, Sore, and Still Happy!

A couple of summers ago, not anywhere near our anniversary, we did an impromptu renewal with a couple of friends.

All dressed up...again!

This year, being #15 (did I mention we’ve been married 15 years?), we did a whole vow renewal ceremony with friends at a festival we’ve been going to for a number of years.  It happened to fall the weekend before our anniversary this year, so the timing was perfect.

To what do I credit our still enjoying each other’s company? A willingness to grow, separately and together. From time to time, one of us grows faster than the other. And then sometimes we work to grow at the same time, helping each other to catch up.

To my sweetheart…I love you! And I look forward to many more years of growing with you!



PS. This is the creative project I took time off to complete!

Paying the Sleep Mafia

Beauty SleepIt has been a solid week of me making the effort to get to sleep earlier, and I’m starting to feel the difference. A little.

It’s been quite an effort on my part this past week to have the lights out by 10:00 pm, my self-imposed bedtime.  I’ve had to re-think how much I can accomplish each night when I get home from work, and how many extra-curricular activities I am going to schedule for myself and my family. I’ve had to decide exactly what my priorities are – is it more important to me that I write in my journal, or watch the video I borrowed from the library so i can return it on time?

I’ve been diligent and conscious of each of these decisions all week and for the first few days, it just wasn’t enough.  In fact, after two days of going to bed earlier, it was even harder to get up the next morning! I felt like the sleep mafia had come and demanded payment all at once for all the sleep I had ever missed. I even moved my meditation time back 20 minutes so I could catch a few more zzzzz’s.

Now, a full week in, it is a little easier to wake up, though on Sunday when I didn’t have to be awake at a certain time, inertia tied me to the bed extra long. 🙂

We don’t always realize how important something like sleep is until it starts making a noticeable effect on our daily life. For me that amounted to increased difficulty getting up in the morning, and low energy throughout the day. Then, what really triggered me to take action: I could not focus during my daily meditation.  My mind flitted from one thing to another, or I fell back to sleep.

I’m going to continue this week to get to bed as close to 10:00 pm as i can, though it will be interesting with the conference I am going to this weekend for work. I’m determined to keep the sleep mafia, and more importantly, my body, happy though.

Some good advice that a friend once gave me, and that has not always been easy to follow: “Listen to your body.  And then do what it says!”



The Balance Between BE-ing and DO-ing

I’ve noticed a trend in my life.  I either get stuck in the DO-ing-ness of my life, or drift off into the BE-ing-ness of it. The balance between the two is elusive.

Not long ago, I was all DO-ing.  My days were scheduled to the minute, and I got a lot done.  My DO-ing times can be very productive.

And then, a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t want to DO anymore.  I just wanted to BE.  In these BE-ing times, its all about me.  I read fiction. I sleep.  I avoid checking my email for days at a time. I really want to hibernate, or go be a hermit. Its not that I DO nothing.  I still go to work, and I am still taking care of my family.

And then, I start feeling like I am wasting my time, because I am not DO-ing anything productive. But I don’t want to. But I need to keep the commitments I have made. And on and on goes the conversation in my head.

Balance between Being and DoingSo how do I keep a balance between my DO-ing and my BE-ing?  That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? 🙂

Knowing that balance is not a static position, but one that is fluid, in constant adjustment, helps. There is no one thing that I can do and suddenly achieve balance for the rest of my life.  It’s something I have to work at.

So here are some things I am DO-ing to incorporate BE-ing into my days:

  • I set aside time each day to BE. Part of that is my morning meditation, part of it is my daily walk.  Part of it is writing in my journal.  While all of these are still “activities”, they aren’t about achieving an immediate goal, or accomplishing a task. They contribute more to my over-all well-being.
  • I set an intention each morning for something I would like to accomplish that day.  This way I make sure I am not drifting through my days getting nothing done.

What things do you do to balance BE-ing and Do-ing?  I’d love to hear your ideas, and add more tools to my toolkit!



Resistance, the Enemy of Commitment

“Whoa! That’s really bright!” my son remarked after we changed the lights above the dining room table. There are three bulbs, and over the previous week, two had blown.

“It’s amazing how quickly we become accustomed to things, isn’t it?” I answered back.

Later that night, we saw our neighbor who had had a heart attack a few months ago. “I’m feeling so much better than I did before the heart attack. I just thought how I felt before was normal.”

When the Universe puts the same message in my path twice in the same day, I have learned to take notice.

What in my life have I become accustomed to that no longer serves me? Where is my light dimmed?

I’ve fallen into a routine, and for the most part, I’m content with everything I’m doing. Most of it is moving me forward toward my goals. I think.

Well, I’m moving, but what is it that I’m moving toward?

It’s important to have goals. People who write their goals down are more likely to achieve them. I understand this. I’ve benefited from this in the past. My husband did his yearly planning and goal setting over Christmas. One of my assignments in an online course is to set goals. And I’ve totally avoided it.

Something has been holding me back. Something big enough that when I brought it up with my coach, I became quite emotional about it.

Cycle of Change

Cycle of Change

From www.lessons4living.com: Resistance can impact each of the six steps of the Cycle of Change.

At the step of “Something’s up?” you simply do not look ahead or ask any question about what is going on. At step two you refuse to name or even give the slightest acknowledgement to any problem. Don’t make any plans for action will stall you at step three as will never acting on plans you did make when you reach step four. You can resist at step five by never making any adjustments to plans that are implemented. At step six complacency will lull you into false security and you will not proactively look ahead to what is coming.

Through my coaching session, two things became clear to me. The first is that I feel like I already have a lot of commitments. If I make goals for more things, I risk tipping into overwhelm. I know that I have a tendency to take on too much at one time. So part of my resistance is to taking on more than I feel I can handle.

The second thing I got clear about was one of the teachings I have received several times over the past few years. The essence of it is that if I don’t keep my commitments, even the little ones to myself, the Universe won’t take me seriously. So I’m afraid of making commitments that I don’t think I could keep.

The solution my coach helped me to find was to set my goals for things I’m already doing. Simple, yet brilliant! I had been stuck thinking that I had to make goals to achieve new things.

I’m finally ready to complete my assignment. I’ll be setting my goals for things I’m already working on – firming up my commitments. I’m setting myself up for success.

CommitmentHow have you dealt with goal setting or resistance this year?


Resistance can impact each of the six steps of the Cycle of Change. At the step of “Something’s up?” you simply do not look ahead or ask any question about what is going on. At step two you refuse to name or even give the slightest acknowledgement to any problem. Don’t make any plans for action will stall you at step three as will never acting on plans you did make when you reach step four. You can resist at step five by never making any adjustments to plans that are implemented. At step six complacency will lull you into false security and you will not proactively look ahead to what is coming.

Taking Responsibility for EVERYTHING

Over the past few weeks, I have noticed a lot of people in my life blaming other people or conditions for their current situation in life.  As I noticed that they were not taking responsibililty for their actions and circumstances, I began to wonder where in my life am I not taking responsibility for my actions?  Because if I am noticing it in others, they are just being the mirror reflecting me back to me.

Personal responsibility is one of those life lessons that seems to come up regularly for me. I began observing myself, my actions, my words and my thoughts, more closely.  I noticed that I would choose to sleep a bit later rather than get up and do yoga, saying I was too tired, but not taking responsibility for staying up late the night before. I made excuses about not having enough time to complete a project, but didn’t take responsibility for allowing my children to continue playing on my computer when I had work to do.

I made a commitment to myself to start taking responsibility for EVERYTHING in my life. It’s a pretty big commitment! I feel really good about it…most of the time anyway.  One morning challenged me on my commitment very directly.  I wanted to sleep in, and decided that I needed to help get the boys up and ready for school.  So I got up, and got the boys up, spending a long slow time snuggling with them in my big rocking chair.  I was making their lunches when my husband came out of his office and said, “I have a conference call at 8:30 this morning.  I can’t drive the boys to school.  I guess you didn’t hear me when I told you last night when I came to bed.”

No, I hadn’t consciously heard him.  And I only had twenty minutes to get the boys fed and ready to go out the door, and get myself dressed as well.  I went into a bit of an internal tantrum.  This meant that I wouldn’t get my regular journal and meditation time.  And I would hve to shower after I got back from the school run.  Why hadn’t he told me again earlier, like when I first got up, or when the alarm went off? I got caught up in my story of how horrible this was, and how little time I had.

To be honest, it took me quite a while to get myself out of my funk.  I could observe myself in it, and I knew it didn’t feel good.  I wanted to blame someone else, because surely it wasn’t my fault because I didn’t know.  And I remembered my commitment to take responsibility.  So I had to take responsibility for spending the extra 15 minutes in bed, and for not getting in the shower right away when I first woke up. And then I forgave myself for choosing as I had.

Taking responsibility is not always easy.  It can be hard to admit that I made a mistake. Yet it can also be extremely liberating.  My happiness does not depend on anyone else’s actions.  I can’t control them anyway, but I can control how I react.

I’m still working on this.  For example, I am still struggling with taking responsibility for the chaos of our current bedtime routine.  And just yesterday morning I realized that while I may have no control over my son’s actions, I do have some control over the environment, and complete control over my reactions.  I’ll keep you posted on how that is going.

Where are you taking responsibility in your life?  Or not?  Leave a comment below, and let’s see if we can shift our perspectives together!