Love and Marriage

Spring is in the air (except in Fargo, where I heard it snowed this weekend), and everywhere the plants and animals are feeling the reproductive vibes. I think of that scene from Bambi where all the critters get twitterpated.

Even the royals have caught the fever, as we saw with William and Catherine’s wedding on Friday.  I didn’t actually watch the nuptials (sleep was much more important to me), I just saw some of the photos online.

Were we really so young? :)

Also last week, my husband and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. I’m really proud of that.  15 years, and still happily married.  A significant chunk of the married population falls to the 7 year itch, and many never make it past 3-5 years!

I heard an audio recording with Marc Victor Hansen a few years ago, and he said he and his wife throw a huge celebration and renew their commitment to each other every year. My sweetie heard it too, and we really like the idea.

Tired, Sore, and Still Happy!

A couple of summers ago, not anywhere near our anniversary, we did an impromptu renewal with a couple of friends.

All dressed up...again!

This year, being #15 (did I mention we’ve been married 15 years?), we did a whole vow renewal ceremony with friends at a festival we’ve been going to for a number of years.  It happened to fall the weekend before our anniversary this year, so the timing was perfect.

To what do I credit our still enjoying each other’s company? A willingness to grow, separately and together. From time to time, one of us grows faster than the other. And then sometimes we work to grow at the same time, helping each other to catch up.

To my sweetheart…I love you! And I look forward to many more years of growing with you!

Blessings,

Mary

PS. This is the creative project I took time off to complete!

Paying the Sleep Mafia

Beauty SleepIt has been a solid week of me making the effort to get to sleep earlier, and I’m starting to feel the difference. A little.

It’s been quite an effort on my part this past week to have the lights out by 10:00 pm, my self-imposed bedtime.  I’ve had to re-think how much I can accomplish each night when I get home from work, and how many extra-curricular activities I am going to schedule for myself and my family. I’ve had to decide exactly what my priorities are – is it more important to me that I write in my journal, or watch the video I borrowed from the library so i can return it on time?

I’ve been diligent and conscious of each of these decisions all week and for the first few days, it just wasn’t enough.  In fact, after two days of going to bed earlier, it was even harder to get up the next morning! I felt like the sleep mafia had come and demanded payment all at once for all the sleep I had ever missed. I even moved my meditation time back 20 minutes so I could catch a few more zzzzz’s.

Now, a full week in, it is a little easier to wake up, though on Sunday when I didn’t have to be awake at a certain time, inertia tied me to the bed extra long. :)

We don’t always realize how important something like sleep is until it starts making a noticeable effect on our daily life. For me that amounted to increased difficulty getting up in the morning, and low energy throughout the day. Then, what really triggered me to take action: I could not focus during my daily meditation.  My mind flitted from one thing to another, or I fell back to sleep.

I’m going to continue this week to get to bed as close to 10:00 pm as i can, though it will be interesting with the conference I am going to this weekend for work. I’m determined to keep the sleep mafia, and more importantly, my body, happy though.

Some good advice that a friend once gave me, and that has not always been easy to follow: “Listen to your body.  And then do what it says!”

Blessings,

Mary

The Balance Between BE-in and DO-ing

I’ve noticed a trend in my life.  I either get stuck in the DO-ing-ness of my life, or drift off into the BE-ing-ness of it. The balance between the two is elusive.

Not long ago, I was all DO-ing.  My days were scheduled to the minute, and I got a lot done.  My DO-ing times can be very productive.

And then, a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t want to DO anymore.  I just wanted to BE.  In these BE-ing times, its all about me.  I read fiction. I sleep.  I avoid checking my email for days at a time. I really want to hibernate, or go be a hermit. Its not that I DO nothing.  I still go to work, and I am still taking care of my family.

And then, I start feeling like I am wasting my time, because I am not DO-ing anything productive. But I don’t want to. But I need to keep the commitments I have made. And on and on goes the conversation in my head.

Balance between Being and DoingSo how do I keep a balance between my DO-ing and my BE-ing?  That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? :)

Knowing that balance is not a static position, but one that is fluid, in constant adjustment, helps. There is no one thing that I can do and suddenly achieve balance for the rest of my life.  It’s something I have to work at.

So here are some things I am DO-ing to incorporate BE-ing into my days:

  • I set aside time each day to BE. Part of that is my morning meditation, part of it is my daily walk.  Part of it is writing in my journal.  While all of these are still “activities”, they aren’t about achieving an immediate goal, or accomplishing a task. They contribute more to my over-all well-being.
  • I set an intention each morning for something I would like to accomplish that day.  This way I make sure I am not drifting through my days getting nothing done.

What things do you do to balance BE-ing and Do-ing?  I’d love to hear your ideas, and add more tools to my toolkit!

Blessings,

Mary

Resistance, the Enemy of Commitment

“Whoa! That’s really bright!” my son remarked after we changed the lights above the dining room table. There are three bulbs, and over the previous week, two had blown.

“It’s amazing how quickly we become accustomed to things, isn’t it?” I answered back.

Later that night, we saw our neighbor who had had a heart attack a few months ago. “I’m feeling so much better than I did before the heart attack. I just thought how I felt before was normal.”

When the Universe puts the same message in my path twice in the same day, I have learned to take notice.

What in my life have I become accustomed to that no longer serves me? Where is my light dimmed?

I’ve fallen into a routine, and for the most part, I’m content with everything I’m doing. Most of it is moving me forward toward my goals. I think.

Well, I’m moving, but what is it that I’m moving toward?

It’s important to have goals. People who write their goals down are more likely to achieve them. I understand this. I’ve benefited from this in the past. My husband did his yearly planning and goal setting over Christmas. One of my assignments in an online course is to set goals. And I’ve totally avoided it.

Something has been holding me back. Something big enough that when I brought it up with my coach, I became quite emotional about it.

Cycle of Change

Cycle of Change

From www.lessons4living.com: Resistance can impact each of the six steps of the Cycle of Change.

At the step of “Something’s up?” you simply do not look ahead or ask any question about what is going on. At step two you refuse to name or even give the slightest acknowledgement to any problem. Don’t make any plans for action will stall you at step three as will never acting on plans you did make when you reach step four. You can resist at step five by never making any adjustments to plans that are implemented. At step six complacency will lull you into false security and you will not proactively look ahead to what is coming.

Through my coaching session, two things became clear to me. The first is that I feel like I already have a lot of commitments. If I make goals for more things, I risk tipping into overwhelm. I know that I have a tendency to take on too much at one time. So part of my resistance is to taking on more than I feel I can handle.

The second thing I got clear about was one of the teachings I have received several times over the past few years. The essence of it is that if I don’t keep my commitments, even the little ones to myself, the Universe won’t take me seriously. So I’m afraid of making commitments that I don’t think I could keep.

The solution my coach helped me to find was to set my goals for things I’m already doing. Simple, yet brilliant! I had been stuck thinking that I had to make goals to achieve new things.

I’m finally ready to complete my assignment. I’ll be setting my goals for things I’m already working on – firming up my commitments. I’m setting myself up for success.

CommitmentHow have you dealt with goal setting or resistance this year?

Blessings,
Mary

Resistance can impact each of the six steps of the Cycle of Change. At the step of “Something’s up?” you simply do not look ahead or ask any question about what is going on. At step two you refuse to name or even give the slightest acknowledgement to any problem. Don’t make any plans for action will stall you at step three as will never acting on plans you did make when you reach step four. You can resist at step five by never making any adjustments to plans that are implemented. At step six complacency will lull you into false security and you will not proactively look ahead to what is coming.

Taking Responsibility for EVERYTHING

Over the past few weeks, I have noticed a lot of people in my life blaming other people or conditions for their current situation in life.  As I noticed that they were not taking responsibililty for their actions and circumstances, I began to wonder where in my life am I not taking responsibility for my actions?  Because if I am noticing it in others, they are just being the mirror reflecting me back to me.

Personal responsibility is one of those life lessons that seems to come up regularly for me. I began observing myself, my actions, my words and my thoughts, more closely.  I noticed that I would choose to sleep a bit later rather than get up and do yoga, saying I was too tired, but not taking responsibility for staying up late the night before. I made excuses about not having enough time to complete a project, but didn’t take responsibility for allowing my children to continue playing on my computer when I had work to do.

I made a commitment to myself to start taking responsibility for EVERYTHING in my life. It’s a pretty big commitment! I feel really good about it…most of the time anyway.  One morning challenged me on my commitment very directly.  I wanted to sleep in, and decided that I needed to help get the boys up and ready for school.  So I got up, and got the boys up, spending a long slow time snuggling with them in my big rocking chair.  I was making their lunches when my husband came out of his office and said, “I have a conference call at 8:30 this morning.  I can’t drive the boys to school.  I guess you didn’t hear me when I told you last night when I came to bed.”

No, I hadn’t consciously heard him.  And I only had twenty minutes to get the boys fed and ready to go out the door, and get myself dressed as well.  I went into a bit of an internal tantrum.  This meant that I wouldn’t get my regular journal and meditation time.  And I would hve to shower after I got back from the school run.  Why hadn’t he told me again earlier, like when I first got up, or when the alarm went off? I got caught up in my story of how horrible this was, and how little time I had.

To be honest, it took me quite a while to get myself out of my funk.  I could observe myself in it, and I knew it didn’t feel good.  I wanted to blame someone else, because surely it wasn’t my fault because I didn’t know.  And I remembered my commitment to take responsibility.  So I had to take responsibility for spending the extra 15 minutes in bed, and for not getting in the shower right away when I first woke up. And then I forgave myself for choosing as I had.

Taking responsibility is not always easy.  It can be hard to admit that I made a mistake. Yet it can also be extremely liberating.  My happiness does not depend on anyone else’s actions.  I can’t control them anyway, but I can control how I react.

I’m still working on this.  For example, I am still struggling with taking responsibility for the chaos of our current bedtime routine.  And just yesterday morning I realized that while I may have no control over my son’s actions, I do have some control over the environment, and complete control over my reactions.  I’ll keep you posted on how that is going.

Where are you taking responsibility in your life?  Or not?  Leave a comment below, and let’s see if we can shift our perspectives together!

Blessings,

Mary

I AM a Powerful Manifestor!

I just got back from my water aerobics class.  This isn’t really big news, I know.  But it is for me, because the pool was supposed to close for renovations last Friday.

Almost three weeks ago, I sat down with a couple of friends to set some goals for ourselves for the rest of the month.  I introduced them to Raymond Aaron’s Monthly Mentor goal setting program.  I don’t make any money from endorsing this program; I just believe it is an excellent system for making progress toward your goals.

I haven’t used it myself in quite some time.  So it was good for me to introduce it to my friends, and have others to support and be supported by in moving forward. One of the goals I set for myself was to start going to water aerobics again.  I set myself a goal of  attending a minimum of two classes, a target of three classes, and my outrageous goal for myself was attending five classes.  I thought I had three weeks to acheive this.

Then I found out that the pool was closing June 25th for maintenance and renovations.  So I had only two weeks to acheive my goal! I made the comment several times that I was disappointed that just as I was getting back into going to the classes, the pool was closing and I would not be able to keep up the momentum I was creating for myself.  I pushed myself in my schedule, and I managed to get to five classes in two weeks!

At class last Friday morning, it was announced that the pool would be open for four more weeks.  The architect needed more time.  The fitness schedule would be quite limited, but the deep water class I attend is on at the time I prefer to attend, and on the three days of the week I attend.

However indirectly, I told the Universe that I wanted to continue with water aerobics, and the Universe provided the opportunity for me!

This isn’t the only experience I have had of manifesting I have had recently, but it is one of the most obvious.  What I observe about myself in this situation, is that I did not directly ask the Universe to keep the pool open.  I took action, going to the deep water class at every opportunity in my schedule.  I enjoyed the feeling of working out, and I expressed disappointment at the thought of not continuing.

I find I am often challenged in the manifestation process by not taking action, or by getting stuck in the feeling of what I don’t want.  Or I manifest unconsciously.  I don’t always consciously choose what I want to create in my life.  Between The Peaceful Woman’s Inspired Living Coaching series, and getting back into utilizing the MAINLY goal setting system, I am working on becoming more conscious of being a co-creator of my life.  I am creating my reality in alignment with my intentions and desires.  I AM a powerful manifestor, and I am so grateful!

What tools do you use to set goals and stay focused on your visions?

Blessings,

Mary

How do I show up in the world?

I am vicariously taking part in an 8 week coaching program with The Peaceful Woman called Inspired Living.  I say vicariously  because I am not able to take part during the live call, but I can go back and listen to the recording.  Last week was the first session, and I just listened to the call today.

We did an assessment of our lives–looking at various areas and how fulfilled we are by those parts of our lives, and how different areas of our lives support us.  This was an interesting exercise for me.  Some of these areas I knew were not fulfilling me, and I’m working to change that.  Some areas that on first thought I would have said were great, after listening to the discussion I decided I really could be more fulfilled in that area of my life.   Areas that I would have said are not supporting me, really do support me more than I think.

After looking at the balance, or really, lack of balance, in my life, I have to ask myself some powerful questions: How am I showing up in the world?  How do I want to show up in the world?  How different are the answers? And what do I need to do to bring them into alignment?

I feel that I am showing up as Super Mom, an overachiever who has so many things to do, one wonders how any of it gets done.  And I do feel like I have too many projects on the go, but I am not sure how to pare it back.   Each project feels essential to one or another of my goals.  And yet, if I don’t slow down, I may crash.  I notice I go through this cycle from time to time, usually when I have fallen behind on my daily meditation, journal writing, and/or exercise, all of which has happened lately.

The answers to the other questions are going to take a little more time, meditation and reflection to answer.  As requested by my coach, I have chosen a theme for the rest of 2010: My life supports my purpose and my purpose supports my life.  I’m still working to bring all the areas of my life into alignment with my purpose.  I’ll keep you posted as I work out the answers to these questions!

If you know me, how do I show up for you?  Or, how do YOU show up in the world, and how does that compare to how you want to show up?

Blessings,

Mary

Peaceful Woman Maui Passage Feb 2010

I can’t believe it’s already been two weeks since I returned home from assisting with the most recent Maui Facilitator’s Passage.  Since it’s officially March, I can even say it was last month!  How quickly the time passes.

As always when I return home from a retreat or course, or really any time I have been away on my own, I am faced with the opportunity of integrating what I’ve learned into my daily life.  Sometimes it is easier than others!

It was very interesting to experience the Maui Passage through new eyes – having gone through it once already six months ago.  Here’s a video of me on the last day of the Passage last August:

Aside from getting to meet 10 incredible new women and deepening my connection with four women I met last time, going through the Passage for a second time helped to anchor a lot of the things I had learned on my initial Passage.  For example, in August I had some challenges with “Flow Day”.  When the day didn’t go as I thought it should, I became upset.  I’ve been working on that over the past six months (my youngest son is a wonderful teacher who goes with the flow all the time), and I felt a lot more ease this time around.

And I learned some new things as well.  On “Volcano Day”, I went and visited a heiau, a sacred place, up a hill that I had missed visiting in August.  On the way back down to the beach, I had an aha message: “Stop searching for the significance of every moment, and allow each moment to be significant.”  I saw that many times I work really hard to figure out why something is special, or push for the message I am supposed to receive.  I don’t always get one.  But when I am able to be truly present in an experience, rather than observing myself in it, I find much more profound meaning and insight.

On “Waterfall Day”, the experiences and the women in the February Passage reflected back to me that I am strong and a good leader.  I saw that while my body may not look or feel much different, the work I have been doing to take better care of my physical body is making a difference.  I was able to run up a hill at one point, something that would have winded me even six months ago.  And when I planted myself in order to assist other women, I was stable and unshakable.

Going back to Maui completely reaffirmed for me that this work is what I want to be doing, and this company is totally in alignment with my purpose and values.  I am excited to announce that I will be starting a Peaceful Woman Meet Up group this month, and I will be facilitating Maui Passages August 15th-21st, and September 12th-18th, 2010.  I would love to have you join me!  You will be expanded, enlightened, and peaceful, in your own way and through your own experience.

Blessings,

Mary

Uncertainty

I was going to start this post with a clever quote about how my life was like Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, but being a good researcher, I looked it up first.  And got confused about how exactly I would make the comparison, so I’ll forgo the quantum mechanics analogy.

I feel like there is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now.  The exciting part of that is there is a lot of possibility.  There are many different paths before me, mostly having to do with my work and financial life.

Krieg Barrie many paths

Illustration by Krieg Barrie

But which one is the right one for me? And which ones are only figments of my imagination?

Some of them I have very little control over, as they depend on other people’s decisions.  If it is a yes, the path firms up.  If it’s a no…poof! That path vanishes.  Other paths I have much more control over, but for one reason or another, I do not choose that path.  It may look the most stable and secure, but my heart just shrivels up when I envision myself five years down that road.

I’m on the edge of something big…I can feel it.  (Incidentally, several other friends of mine have expressed the exact same sentiment in their own lives.)  The something big is still shrouded in the mists, though.  I feel like I am hovering in limbo, waiting for the other shoe to drop, or the light to suddenly turn on and the mist to clear.  But what if the mist is waiting for me to make up my mind? What if it is up to me to make a definitive choice, to speak the words of commitment before the mists will clear?

There is one direction my heart calls me towards. From my current vantage point, that direction leads to a huge abyss.  I tell myself that if I didn’t have a family, I would take the leap.  Would I really?  With my children, I don’t feel that choice is really in alignment for me right now.

And so I hover in anticipation.  I flow with each moment as it comes, and I take time to vision where it is that I DO want to end up six months from now.  Because if all possibilities are before me, I feel I’m better off making up a story that I like rather than worry about the options I don’t like.  If nothing else, this time in my life is teaching me to worry less.

I’m curious.  What would you do?  Would you jump off the cliff into the complete unknown?  Or would you bide your time on the safer path?

What You Don’t Do Doesn’t Matter

Keeping commitments is very important to me.  And it’s something I struggle with from time to time.

Here’s a wonderful post on that subject from The Art of Non-Conformity‘s Chris Guillebeau.

Just go here and read it.

Blessings,

Mary

If you haven’t tried it yet, you can download Creating Sacred Space for free!
And keep your eyes out for another meditation available for download soon!