Choose Again

Just over a week ago, I worked on the load out for the Cirque du Soleil arena show in Victoria. It was a long afternoon and evening of pushing boxes so they could be loaded onto trucks. 22 semi trailers to be exact.

The work required steel toed boots. Let’s just say that my feet were not used to these boots. I got massive blisters on both my heels. So while I knocked it out of the park for my step goal on that day, I didn’t walk much the rest of the week. Heck, I could barely tolerate wearing shoes!

Last week also turned out to be quite the stress storm at work. We were down two staff members, and I suddenly had to be training someone rather than doing the rest of my work and getting ready to be gone for a while. (I’m going to Hekate’s Sickle Festival this weekend, and then to the Parliament of World Religions at the end of the month). Combine that with Dr. Pepper that just happened to be left over from a recent show, and I caved.

Very little walking, high amounts of sugar. Will-power = nil.

Add to that last minute preparations for a Spirit Fair that I organized this past weekend. It was not an easy time.

It’s all over now. I’m very proud that I got back to meeting and even exceeding my step goal on the weekend, and today (Monday) I turned down sugar. I opted for an herbal tea instead of a chai latte.

For me, this is a perfect example of choosing again. I could have let this experience completely derail my choices to eat less sugar and get more exercise. In the past, I absolutely would have. I would have gotten down on myself, and given up.

However, I have the opportunity to choose again every day. I chose a little differently on Sunday. I chose even more different on Monday. I may choose the opposite this weekend while I am at the Festival – I don’t know yet. It can be a temporary choice, a temporary setback.

We all have a choice, every single day. Are you choosing consciously?



Hecate, Torchbearer, Guide Me

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re approaching a crossroads? Like whatever you decide next will have a major impact on the shape of your life moving forward? Yeah, that.

I am (once again) off work (mostly) for the summer. Even though I’ve technically been off since the beginning of the month, because of my trip to see my family and other obligations, I only feel like my time off is starting now. It feels different, somehow, than other summers. I feel like I’m being called to make a choice.

Two cards have been coming up in my tarot readings for other people a lot lately. Not every reading, but often enough to make me notice. I was taught that when a card comes up frequently in readings, that is my lesson. Apparently my lesson is The Chariot and The Tower. Some of you are familiar with the tarot, and have your own meanings for these cards, and some of you are not at all familiar with the meanings. I’ll share what they mean to me.

The Chariot, from The Robin Wood Tarot

The Chariot, from The Robin Wood Tarot

The Chariot: I’m feeling pulled in two different directions. Both of them are things that I want, things that are important to me. However, I’m not able to make much progress with either because they are not going the same direction. It’s time for me to take the reigns, and not be led along at the mercy of others, or these conflicting desires. When the question is either/or, the answer is both. When I can get the two working in alignment, I will make progress a lot faster.

The Tower, from The Robin Wood Tarot

The Tower, from The Robin Wood Tarot

The Tower: There’s a lesson coming around again that I haven’t fully learned yet. Or that the Universe is testing me to see if I have truly learned it. It’s been around often enough that I can likely see the patterns, if I’m aware. However, it’s also been around often enough that it has the potential to turn my life upside down. Our lessons get tougher if we don’t learn them well! The Cosmic 2×4 is headed my way, so it’s time to sharpen my senses, open my mind and see this pattern for what it is – an opportunity to grow, or be forced to grow.

Other messages have made themselves known to me recently. Astrologically, Venus is retrograde right now.

When Venus is retrograde, it provides lessons in evaluating the real worth and value of people and things in our life (Taurus-Libra issues)…

It is NOT a time, however, to act upon any unfavorable awareness. It is purely a time of evaluation rather than direct action. As little frictions and disagreements crop up, they serve to remind you that the relationship is not perfect. Under the retrograde influence, you must assess the severity of the problem and the “cost-benefit” of the relationship. Only after Venus turns direct should you initiate any alienation if this is deemed necessary.

-Lynn Koiner, Venus Retrograde for 2015

And from a book I just read:

Almost every woman I know has waded right out into the river and has been overwhelmed. Almost every woman I know is too busy. She is into this, studying that, driving in a car pool to this and to that, working hard on some big project, racing around until she is ragged. She needs to be quiet, to approach the vastness of life’s responsibilities in a more orderly manner, to do one thing, take one crystal goblet at a time, concentrate on it, and do it well. Then she may move on to other things.

-Robert A. Johnson, She: Understanding Feminine Psychology

So. It is time to evaluate. Be aware, watch for patterns, pare things down.

HecateHecate, Torchbearer, shine your light brightly that I may accurately assess the options that are before me. Stand before me at the crossroads to guide me on the path that is for my highest good and the highest good of all. Help me to stay focused on the task before me, and let me not be led astray by the shiny distractions that tempt me. Hecate, grant me the key to serve my community in a healthy way. Blessed be.



Sacred Selfishness

While I was taking a break from blogging, I had several opportunities present themselves to me. For example, I got to spend time with two of my spiritual mentors. That was definitely a positive!

choices and prioritiesThen there were the future opportunities. Like being part of the Human Library project at the PuSh Festival in Vancouver, or auditioning for the local production of The Vagina Monologues. Or studying more, and teaching, at Wiccan Seminary. Or being more involved with the Spring Mysteries Festival.

And once upon a time, I would have said yes to all of them. Then, in the middle of it all, I would have been falling apart and wondering why I took it all on in the first place.

One of the things I learned while I was away was that this might be a consequence of working with Inanna. She wasn’t satisfied with being the Queen of Heaven and Earth. No, she wanted to do and have ALL THE THINGS. I can totally relate. There are so many things that I would like to do or experience. Being a mortal has its limitations, though.

So I’m working on reassessing my boundaries, and taking my limitations into consideration. There are certain things that still need to happen – like going to work, and serving my coaching clients and students and my Circle. And advocating for my son to get the help he needs in school.Then I can decide on the other things I would like to do.

Part of that process involved determining what my priorities are. What do I really want to do? What would I be upset about if I didn’t get to do it? I realized that I really wanted to learn more through the Seminary, and I want to be involved in the festival. Those were my top priorities after my family, my Circle and work.

I love being able to contribute to my community. And it is not always easy for me to say no. I am starting to embrace the idea of “sacred selfishness”. That sometimes I need to do what is right for me, even if that may be at the expense of someone else. By serving my needs, and making them sacred, I am serving my community. Because I cannot contribute to my community if my cup is empty.

When was the last time you examined your priorities and your commitments? Post your comments below!



Woo hoo! I did it! … Now what?

Here we are. September 30th. The last day of my 30/60 blog and video challenge. And I did it! This is blog post #30, and my YouTube channel has 30 videos in my 30/60 playlist (you may not be able to see them all, as a few of them are unlisted, done specifically for my course).

I did it!After putting so much time and energy into this challenge, I find myself wondering how I am going to carry this momentum forward.

Writing a blog post every other day is too much for me to keep up with over the long term. It was all right for a sprint, but I don’t think I could keep up with a marathon. At the same time, going back to one blog post a week seems like a let down after all the creative flow I’ve had over the last two months.

I think a happy medium for me will be two blog posts a week. I will probably be incorporating video into my blog posts more as well. And since I kept the blog posts separate from the videos over the past two months, I may expand some of the videos into blog posts.

And, of course, I will be focusing more energy towards the Elements of Abundance program. I have to say, I was really hoping for that to be complete before I went back to work. And I remind myself that there are no unrealistic goals, only unrealistic timelines.

What did you think of this challenge? Is there anything you would like to see more of? Anything you expected to see or read about and didn’t? Please leave your comments below. All inspiration greatly appreciated!




How Do You Know if it is the Right Opportunity?

This week my mentor contacted me about a new opportunity to learn from her mentor. He’s involved with a new company that is launching a new service in about a month. To assist people that join his team, he is offering all of his training materials for free to those who sign up.

Tough DecisionNow, I have a very healthy skepticism when it comes to any network marketing. I’ve put it my time, in quite a number of different companies. At one point, I was involved in something like 4 or 5 different MLM companies at the same time! I hosted parties, I paid for training, I bought leads and did cold calling, all of it, and with very little success.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe network marketing is a viable system, and I don’t knock the people who have found success with it. I also think that I am not the right kind of person to really do well with network marketing. All the attempts and failures have really jaded me that it will work for me. And all the hype that tends to go with MLM opportunities? It kind of makes my skin crawl.

Theoretically, that’s not what I would be joining this particular opportunity for. I would be joining it for the access to my mentor’s mentor. And what a fantastic opportunity that is – he never offers his training this inexpensively.

Unfortunately, and especially after talking things over with my husband, I cannot justify the expense right now, even for the training. No matter how much I want to. I tell myself that if I worked just a little and signed up a few people, it would pay for my training, and hey, maybe even earn me a little extra money, too!

In meditation this morning, a song lyric kept going through my mind:

You leave a lot to be desired,

But I still desire you.

To me that says even though part of me wants to accept this offer, there is still something missing.

I also have to honor my husband’s opinion. And when I really check in with myself, my heart isn’t in it. But is that just the regret of having to pass up a good opportunity? I don’t have the sales skills to do this again. It would take me away from creating the course I want to create and share with you. On the other hand, this would help me learn more of the sales skills I need to be able to share the course with you.


What do you think? If you are in the US (its not available in Canada yet, another strike against it for me at the moment), would you be interested in an opportunity to get unlimited mobile service, data and text for $49/month, with the possibility for being paid back for referring your friends? If so, send me an email and I will invite you to the opportunity. I’d give you a direct link, but you have to invite people individually. If no one emails, I totally understand – this isn’t the right time for me to enter this opportunity.



To Spelunk, or Not to Spelunk

That’s such a cool word…spelunk. My spell checker doesn’t seem to like it. Still, just say it out loud a few times. Spelunk.

Today is Labor Day, a day when we celebrate all our hard work with an extra day off. For me, it’s just a regular day off, since I don’t work on Mondays.

Horne Lake CavesAnd I have a decision to make. A friend of mine has invited my family and others to go spelunking as a group at Horne Lake Caves on Vancouver Island. It’s something I have wanted to do ever since we moved to the Island, more than 10 years ago.

On the other hand, my to-do list is about a mile long. With co-workers leaving at work, rehearsals for a play I am in about to start, and getting ready for my upcoming workshops and retreat, it doesn’t look like it will be getting shorter anytime soon.

Then again, this is the last weekend of the summer.  Tomorrow, my boys go back to school.  And I haven’t taken any vacation this year, beyond the odd day or two here or there.  It would be nice to have a fun family day before the craziness of September begins.

I could probably get a lot done if I stayed home while my family went out for the day.

And I would really miss being there with them.

All work and no play makes Mary a dull girl. Given that I have a very busy September ahead of me, I think I’m going spelunking. All my work will still be waiting for me when I get back.



PS. Walks Within is going to Maui! Do you feel like something is missing in your day to day life? Like there is something more you would like to be? Come with me February 19-25, 2011, and reveal the REAL you. Register before November 30th and save an extra $400!



Choosing Love or Choosing Fear?

The other day on Facebook, this picture caught my eye:

Fear vs. Love

Fear vs. Love

It was paired with the following quote (thank you, Erica Boersma):

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” ~ Les Brown

It was perfect timing for me, as I was contemplating the idea of stepping out of my comfort zone.

For some time now, I feel I have been in a bit of a holding pattern.  There are many things I would like to do, and yet I need to be able to feed my children.  So I continue working at my day job, tinkering away at several other projects on the side, and hoping that a miracle will happen, or deus ex machina will save me from my routine.

I understand that for my situation to change, *I* must change. And still, fear holds me back.  I chose to bring these three amazing children into this world, and I chose the responsibility that goes along with it.  So how can I make a choice that threatens their very survival?

In my coaching work, I encourage others to trust that the Universe will provide.  And if I were my only responsibility, I would absolutely trust. Its not just me though. Others depend on me for food and shelter. So how do I reconcile that with my trust (or in this case, the lack of trust) in the Universe?

I am definitely feeling like the figure in the drawing, walking a tightrope between who I am now, and who I want to be.  And at any moment, fear or love could tip the balance and send me plummeting down or racing forward. Or, the choice could leave me frozen in space, not willing to step forward or backward.

There are times when I think it would be easier if I were less aware.  I could go to work and watch television and not know how much more was out there to experience.  Yet, Oliver Wendell Holmes spoke true when he said,

The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size.

So I shall wait for the fear to pass, and turn my mind to thoughts of love and abundance, and pray that change comes easily and joyfully.

Have any of you ever faced a major decision in your life that affected others, including yourself?  How did you deal with it?  I’d love to hear from you in the comments.



The First Signs of Change

Last week as I was walking through the path in the woods near my house, I stopped suddenly because there was a robin right in the middle of the path.  It hopped a few feet ahead, then came back as I stood absolutely still.  I watched as it pulled up some leaves, looking for food.

I took the opportunity to practice “fox walking”, which I learned in the Coyote Mentoring course I took several years ago from Wes Gietz, slowly and silently following the robin as it made its way down the path.

I opened up my field of vision (“owl eyes” from Coyote Mentoring), and saw many other birds flitting around me in the forest.  I saw a hummingbird, more robins and sparrows enjoying the evening. After a little while, another robin came and sat in a tree just above the robin that had stopped me on the path.  My robin flew up to the tree, and very soon chased the other robin off.

I continued down the path, remembering to practice my quiet walking, and keeping my eyes open for the other birds that were in the trees, seeing if I could get close without startling them.

Just before I came to the end of the path, a bird crashed around in the branches as it flew from one tree to the next beside me.  I looked, and saw another (the same?) robin.  After saying hello, I continued my walk, wanting to get home to my dinner.

On the street just around the corner from my home, I heard a loud rustling in the bushes in the neighbor’s yard.  I looked, and there was another robin.  I stopped completely, looked at the bird that was looking at me, and said, “OK! I’m listening! What message do you have for me?”

I received the message to look up the symbolism of the robin.  When I arrived home, I went straight to the computer. 🙂

On several different websites, I learned that robins are symbols of new beginnings.  Just as we may not yet be able to feel the warmth of spring when the robins first return from their winter homes, we know when we see them that spring is on its way.

Knowing that nothing has meaning except the meaning I give it, I chose to see my visits from the robin as a sign that a new season has already begun in my life.  I may not see the material and physical signs, yet I have been sent a message that those more apparent signs are just around the corner. That thought has helped me keep positive through some challenges that have come up over the past week.



Walking in my Mother’s Footsteps

Thirty six years ago today, my mother gave birth to me.  Since that day, I have been following in her footsteps.  Some of those patterns are positive, and some…well, not so much.Footsteps

Some of the positive things I have inherited from my mother are artisitc talent.  She is an amazing artist.  I’m not quite as good as she is, but I remember some truly incredible paintings she did of some of my favorite cartoon characters.  I specifically remember Joyleaf, from ElfQuest. It was a real tribute to Wendy Pini’s work.

My mother has a strong work ethic.  If she says she’s going to do something, she does, and she usually over-delivers.  She sometimes procrastinates, as do I, but I’m focusing on the positives right now. 🙂

My mother is a perfectionist.  Some might see this as a negative trait, but I’ve worked to turn it into a positive for myself. It makes me accomplish tasks to the best of my ability.  It kind of ties in with over-delivering.

My mother is generous.  She gives her time and skills where they are needed. When I was younger, we went with her when she volunteered for the Christmas parties at local senior care homes, and in the parades in the summer.  As part of the Telephone Pioneer Clown Club, we appeared at many a summer festival and event painting faces and making baloon animals.  I am still very generous with my time and skills, as many of my friends will attest.

And then there is the downside to following in my mother’s footsteps.  I sometimes forget to take time out for me; to pamper myself or just have fun.  I am working to remember that to be truly able to take care of other people, I need to take care of myself.

I have spent many years becoming more comfortable expressing my feelings as they come up, rather than holding them in. I believe I am healthier for this effort.

I am the major breadwinner in my family (for now!), as my mother was when throughout my youth.  I don’t always make the best financial decisions, so I am educating myself, and sorking closely with my husband to make better choices.

I love my mother very much. I am extremely grateful for everything she has given me, the good and the not so good.  Because even in the not so good I have been given a truly beautiful gift: the opportunity to learn and make my own choices.  Thank you, Mom!



I AM a Powerful Manifestor!

I just got back from my water aerobics class.  This isn’t really big news, I know.  But it is for me, because the pool was supposed to close for renovations last Friday.

Almost three weeks ago, I sat down with a couple of friends to set some goals for ourselves for the rest of the month.  I introduced them to Raymond Aaron’s Monthly Mentor goal setting program.  I don’t make any money from endorsing this program; I just believe it is an excellent system for making progress toward your goals.

I haven’t used it myself in quite some time.  So it was good for me to introduce it to my friends, and have others to support and be supported by in moving forward. One of the goals I set for myself was to start going to water aerobics again.  I set myself a goal of  attending a minimum of two classes, a target of three classes, and my outrageous goal for myself was attending five classes.  I thought I had three weeks to acheive this.

Then I found out that the pool was closing June 25th for maintenance and renovations.  So I had only two weeks to acheive my goal! I made the comment several times that I was disappointed that just as I was getting back into going to the classes, the pool was closing and I would not be able to keep up the momentum I was creating for myself.  I pushed myself in my schedule, and I managed to get to five classes in two weeks!

At class last Friday morning, it was announced that the pool would be open for four more weeks.  The architect needed more time.  The fitness schedule would be quite limited, but the deep water class I attend is on at the time I prefer to attend, and on the three days of the week I attend.

However indirectly, I told the Universe that I wanted to continue with water aerobics, and the Universe provided the opportunity for me!

This isn’t the only experience I have had of manifesting I have had recently, but it is one of the most obvious.  What I observe about myself in this situation, is that I did not directly ask the Universe to keep the pool open.  I took action, going to the deep water class at every opportunity in my schedule.  I enjoyed the feeling of working out, and I expressed disappointment at the thought of not continuing.

I find I am often challenged in the manifestation process by not taking action, or by getting stuck in the feeling of what I don’t want.  Or I manifest unconsciously.  I don’t always consciously choose what I want to create in my life.  Between The Peaceful Woman’s Inspired Living Coaching series, and getting back into utilizing the MAINLY goal setting system, I am working on becoming more conscious of being a co-creator of my life.  I am creating my reality in alignment with my intentions and desires.  I AM a powerful manifestor, and I am so grateful!

What tools do you use to set goals and stay focused on your visions?