The past few weeks I have felt kind of lazy. I’ve been sleeping late, and then staying up late, which makes me want to sleep late again.
Lately I’ve been watching movies and TV shows online. Sometimes they are totally distracting me from doing the work that I said I was going to do this summer. Most of the year I don’t watch many movies or shows. So I’ve been binging. And I feel a little guilty about it.
I am judging myself as being lazy. I’ve let my discipline lax. When I sleep in late, I am less likely to go through my regular morning routine of meditation and stretching. I get out of bed feeling like I have wasted part of the day already, so I better get on with it. I have so much to do, and yet the days fly by, one after another.
It’s not that I haven’t accomplished anything. I have the course that I’m creating for the Seminary almost complete – only two more assignments to come up with. I had a wonderful visit with my parents, and made my mom a sweater coat. I’m keeping up with the courses I am taking. I’ve facilitated one handfasting, and I have another one coming up. I’ve been doing a lot of tarot readings.
And really, don’t I deserve a break? I go full out most of the year. I push myself pretty hard. So taking some time out, to chill and refill my cup isn’t unreasonable. In fact, I encourage others to do just that!
So why do I feel so guilty? I guess I have high expectations for myself. There’s so much I want to accomplish in my life. There is a pressure to always be *doing* something.
I’ve started setting myself small goals. Do this thing, and then you can have this much time off. Work on this for a while, and then relax for a while. It doesn’t completely get rid of the guilt, and it definitely makes it a lot smaller.
I also remind myself of the things I have accomplished, like I did in this post. By looking at what is complete, or what I have made progress toward completing, I feel a lot better about myself.
Balancing work and play, production and leisure isn’t easy. It is a constantly moving progression. And knowing that I am going to be back into a heavy workload soon helps me be more at ease with taking a little more leisure time now.