My One Addiction

I am an addict. It hurts to admit it.

Sugar Candy BowlsMy grandmother was a chemical dependency counselor – an addiction social worker. She went to AA and Al-Anon meetings. My grandfather was a recovering alcoholic. I don’t remember him when he was drinking. He (thankfully) was sober by the time I remember him. He even went back to school and became an addictions counselor himself.

Growing up, I was very aware of my family’s predisposition to addiction. And if any astrological sign is likely to be an addict, it’s mine – Pisces the escapist.

Because of how I was raised, I’m not a smoker. I’ve never done drugs. (Well, almost never. I did have that one special cookie…) I never acquired a taste for alcohol. I can take or leave caffeine. And yet, I’ve still managed to become addicted. To sugar.

I’ve managed to give it up, briefly. During my Whole30, I went a little over a month without it. And at times in the past, I’ve cut it down significantly.

The last couple of months, though, I’ve been binging. Each day, I tell myself I’ll cut back. Or stop. And each day, I have some. Sometimes more than others.

I know how bad it is for me. It’s terrible for my liver. It packs on the pounds. There’s a history of diabetes in my family.

I know how bad I feel when I eat it. It makes me feel gross. I don’t sleep as well. I feel lethargic and tired.

And I still can’t stop myself. I tell myself that as addictions go, it’s not that bad. It could be a lot worse. And it could. That doesn’t make it good.

Telling myself I’m going to quit obviously hasn’t worked for me. So I’m telling you. All of you. I’m probably not going to quit. I AM going to cut back. Tomorrow. 😉

Blessings,

Mary

Graduation Time – Almost

Here in BC, school is not yet out. There are a couple more weeks, mostly of field trips and celebrations for the kids. And part of those celebrations include graduation.

Alex and Henry AbGradMy eldest graduates from high school in two weeks. My middle son moves up from middle school to high school, and my youngest is moving from elementary to middle school. How did that happen? Where did the time go?

Last week was all about the graduation celebrations. I went to an Aboriginal graduation ceremony for the oldest on Wednesday. Though I personally don’t have native ancestry, my husband does, and so my boys do as well. It was amazing to be part of the ceremony in the Big House, with the dancers honoring the grads. It was also a very long ceremony, with lots of speeches! My son was presented with a Metis sash and a cedar headband.

Marcus GradOn Thursday, the elementary school held a lunch and ceremony to recognize the students moving on to middle school. We went out to lunch at the Driftwood Restaurant, a local (and tasty!) Chinese buffet. The students behaved themselves quite well, actually, though it did get pretty noisy! After the lunch, we headed back to the school for a “graduation” assembly. The students all gave short speeches about their memories of the school, where they see themselves in 20 years, and who their role-models are.

I was really grateful that I was able to go. It made my son’s day for me to be there with him. Because of my work schedule, I’m not able to help out with his class, or attend a lot of events at the school. When my middle son was moving from elementary to middle school, the teachers were on strike. Some of the parents still went for lunch with their kids, however, I was not able to go. This is my last child in elementary. So it was especially poignant for me to be able to be there.

Thursday evening was bursary and scholarship presentations for the oldest. He received a bursary from the local festival of film. We’re still working on the deposit for the film school he’s been accepted into (if you can help out with that, we’ve set up a YouCaring drive here).

I’m not as emotional about it all as I thought I would be, though maybe that is because there’s still time. Actual graduation is still two weeks out, when family will be here, and his girlfriend, and so it’s not quite real. We’ll see how I manage when he actually moves on.

Blessings,

Mary

A Weekend of Library and Film

I had a very busy weekend, as usual. I didn’t get to sleep in, but I still managed to have a refreshing weekend.

Saturday morning started with North Island College’s Living Library as part of the Elevate the Arts celebration. I had the privilege of being one of the human “books”. The “Living Library is an event that brings together people who may not normally have an opportunity to have a one-on-one discussion, with the purpose of increasing awareness of diversity and fostering empathy and acceptance in our community. During the event, Readers ‘check out’ Books for 15 minutes at a time in order to hear their story and ask questions.” (from the NIC website).

I got to meet a lot of people, and share about Wicca, and my journey. And I received the gift of hearing some of their stories. It was an incredibly rewarding experience. The one thing I was disappointed about is that I didn’t have an opportunity to check out any of the other Books and hear their stories.

However, I did get to reconnect with a friend that I haven’t seen in years. After the event was over, we sat and had lunch together and caught up with each other. It was so refreshing, and energizing.

And THEN, I met another group of strong, amazing women, and we saw the new Wonder Woman movie together. Wow. I loved it. Themyscira was gorgeous (Can I live there?). And let’s face it, Gal Gadot is gorgeous. The Amazons are gorgeous. And Robin Wright is badass. (I didn’t even recognize her.)

There are many good quotes from the movie, which you can find on many websites. The one that hit me the hardest, though, was by the character Sameer. Unfortunately, I can’t find the exact quote online anywhere. What I remember is something like this:

We can’t always be what we want. I didn’t want to be a soldier. I wanted to be an actor. I’ve always loved acting. But I’m the wrong color.

The diversity in the film was wonderful. Still primarily white, though there was a lot more representation than I have seen in many other films.

Sunday was Market day, and writing. The usual.

Even though Saturday was jam-packed, I thoroughly enjoyed it. How was your weekend?

Blessings,

Mary

It’s been a while…

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. How have you been?

Me? I’ve been busy – probably TOO busy – though that’s not unusual for me.

Market timeI’ve been tired. And I’ve felt like I have nothing to write about. Nothing of interest, though there’s been plenty happening. It’s not even that there’s been nothing to write about. I just haven’t been inspired to write. Writing has felt like more of a chore than usual.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been journalling. Do I have a weekly word limit? It doesn’t matter.

Here’s a quick summary of the past few weeks:

  • I traveled to Schenectady, NY, for a conference for work. I got to see some live theater, meet some amazing people, spend time with a friend I rarely get to see, and learn more about the software program I use all the time at work.
  • Markets! It’s May, so the Pier Street Market is back on Sundays. I’ve been doing a lot of tarot reading lately – from a spirit and wellness fair, to the Market, to a bachelorette party, to a fundraiser for Pagan Pride Day. I’ve been working at consciously connecting with my guides more in my readings. It’s definitely a work in progress, and more effective some times than others.
  • My eldest child is graduating high school, and my family is coming out for a visit. I’m very excited for that!
  • We had an estate sale for a friend who passed last fall. My husband has been the one who was really coordinating that.
  • And then there’s the usual stuff – work, family, teaching, ritual…

With all of that, the blog has fallen lower on my priority list. I could say I would try to be better about writing regularly, and that wouldn’t be entirely honest. So I’ll just say that I will catch it as I can, and as I feel inspired.

Blessings,

Mary

Psychic Powers and Spaceships

Last week I was talking about the metaphysical cause of the illness that plagued me for about two weeks. Warning, I’m about to get a bit woo-woo here.

Psychic AbilitiesYou know that I connect with and talk to different deities, especially Goddesses. I also connect with and talk to my spirit guides. My guides have changed over the years. I started with a good friend who passed away just as I moved to the Island. She was the bridge to help me get comfortable with “talking” to spirits (as in guides, not ghosts). Once I was comfortable with her, she handed me off to my first guide.

Over the years, as I became more comfortable, learned what I needed to from that guide, and stepped up my vibration (at least that’s what I like to think), I would get passed on to another guide. Currently, my main personal guide is Sofia. I think I’ve been through two or three before now.

While I was working with Hekate leading up to Spring Mysteries Festival, I started doing an exercise I read in my research. The book said it was for balancing your energy. I found it connected me with my guides better, and my intuition.

Just before Spring Mysteries, a new group of guides introduced themselves to me, calling themselves The Seven. I’m really skeptical when new energies come at me. I don’t want any attachments or negative entities connecting with me. So I questioned them a lot.

Around this time, though, or just before, I really started to feel like it was time I develop my psychic abilities more. Open up, and allow the information to flow. After Spring Mysteries, that feeling intensified. It wasn’t a call anymore. It was a push.

I read in a book about a man who used Robert Heinlein’s Lost Legacy as a guide. So I tracked that down, hoping for exercises. No luck. It did guide me to looking at an article by Mark Twain (which I honestly have yet to read).

And then my guides told me to re-read the book Opening to Channel, and to read The Pleiadian Workbook. I’m not a terribly fast reader, so I’ve only just started.

I have to say, I’m a bit skeptical about The Pleiadian Workbook so far. She talks about seeing spacecraft when she was a child.

I’m not sure what to believe about spaceships, and beings from space. On the one hand, I love science fiction – especially movies and television. On the other hand, I had a phobia of being abducted by aliens for a very long time. So this whole idea of guides actually being extra-terrestrials… I don’t know.

What do you think? Are guides beings from other planets? Or just other dimensions? Is there a difference? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

And if you are interested in connecting with your guides, try Meeting Your Spirit Guide. It’s based on an exercise from Opening to Channel.

Blessings,

Mary

Full disclosure – if you purchase any of these books from the above links, I will receive a small commission.

What’s with this cold???

I’m pretty healthy. I get the occasional cold or sinus infection, and I usually recover within a few days. At worst, one day of rest gets me over the hump and back in the game.

honey,garlic and lemon as natural medicineI have a variety of natural remedies that I turn to when I feel an illness coming on – extra vitamins C & D and garlic in honey is my first line of defense. For sinus issues, salt water rinse with the neti pot. I’ve also used oregano oil, echinacea, grapefruit seed extract, and Nin Jom. And, of course, water or tea with lemon and honey, maybe some ginger, and extra rest. I’ve used frequencies, and received Reiki and energy from friends.

So when I started feeling the tickle in my throat just over a week ago, I started my get well regime. I didn’t have any plans for the weekend, so I took it easy and rested lots. By Sunday, I was feeling better, and thought I was past the worst.

Then came Monday, and I wasn’t feeling so hot. I redoubled my efforts.

Tuesday I started feeling a twinge in my ear.

By Wednesday, I had to leave work early, I was feeling so miserable. I stopped at the health food store to call in the cavalry.

Thursday I went to the walk in clinic. I gave in and got the antibiotics I was hoping to avoid. And some probiotics. I didn’t stop with the neti pot, or the garlic.

It’s now Monday again, and I’m more than half-way through the antibiotics. I was really expecting to feel better by now. My ear doesn’t hurt any longer, at least not as much. I even tried the junk food cure. Dr. Pepper was once a medicinal drink, right?

Being a person who takes responsibility for the circumstances in my life, I’ve also contemplated the metaphysical, and even natural consequences, causes for this illness.

Physical cause – I put a lot of energy into Spring Mysteries Festival, and now that it is over, my body is ‘safe’ to break down. If that were the only cause, the weekend of rest, and then the day and a half off work, combined with all the early bedtimes and copious amounts of water I’ve been drinking, ought to have brought me through to the healing side.

Metaphysical causes –

Ears: feeling no one is listening to me or not wanting to listen to others I maybe experienced a little of that at Festival, but it was brief.

Sinuses: trying to call the shots in someone else’s life or being irritated by a person close to me I’ve been nagging my eldest about post-secondary…?

Throat: swallowed emotional hurts or feeling like I’m not able to express myself I feel this applies to me more in my past than in my present, and not even my recent past.

I’m still meditating on this, and working on sifting through to find the cause. None of these hits me with the ring of truth. Sure, I could be in denial, or maybe I just haven’t become aware of the right angle yet.

I’ve been feeling a very strong call (push, really) lately to access more of my alternate senses and psychic abilities. Perhaps the not listening to others and inability to express is tied into that. Stay tuned – I’ll explore that more next week.

Blessings,

Mary

Returning From Eleusis

I’m home. And yet I feel like I am in a strange place.

Eleusis, spring mysteries, spring mysteries festival, journey to Eleusis

It’s always difficult returning from extended magical space – whether it is a festival or a course or just time with loved ones – and moving back into the mundane day to day life. Returning from Eleusis is no different.

I was in a world outside of time and space, a world apart from the concerns of daily life. It wasn’t that time didn’t exist – there was definitely a sense of treasuring and honoring the moments that I had with the family that was not of my blood, serving my community in such a unique and special way.

I’ve been home nearly a week. I’m back at work, and done (most of) the laundry. Not everything is put away yet – there are still a few bits to get put back in their homes. I’ve even had an opportunity to rest. I was forced to rest, really. My body decided it was going to get sick and make me take a day to do nothing.

The most challenging part of coming back is reflecting on the lessons and integrating what I’ve learned. Once out of the magical space, it starts to fade, like waking from a dream.

One thing that doesn’t fade is the connection that I worked so hard to establish with the Goddesses I worked with in the months leading up to Spring Mysteries – Hekate and Ereshkigal.

These two work very well together. I even learned that in the Greek Magical Papyri, they were event conflated as Hekate-Ereshkigal. Many people are afraid of the Dark Mother and the Underworld. And I’ll admit, if you are not ready to meet Her, or your own Shadow, She can be frightening. She is not soft and gentle, though She is beautiful. Terrifyingly beautiful.

Hekate, and Ereshkigal, will hold you accountable. She will kick your butt to keep you going. She pushes you to grow. And I love Her for that. She pushed me a lot. She is STILL pushing me to be more, be better, keep growing, and keep serving.

If you’d like to meet these Dark Mothers, you can go for A Walk with Hekate, or A Walk with Inanna (to see Ereshkigal). Are you ready for the lessons She has for you?

Blessings,

Mary

I Give Up!

I’ve created a schedule for myself that is very demanding, which means it is also exhausting. I’ve been feeling guilty about many things that I haven’t been doing, including writing a blog post in several weeks.

The lessons of the Dark Mother have been on my mind as well (probably has something to do with working with Hekate and Ereshkigal). The main thing I’ve been hearing is “surrender”. It’s a theme I have cycled through before (a couple of times!).

In looking at The Power Path Monthly Forecast for March, I had a giggle: the theme of the month is SURRENDER!

Blessings,

Mary

That Escalated Quickly…

This weekend was a rare weekend without a rehearsal for Spring Mysteries. I got to stay at home, and sleep in. It was lovely!

That escalated quicklyMy plans for the weekend were mostly to work on costumes for the festival. And hopefully get the washing machine repaired. Oh yeah – that died last week. 🙁 No, the repair guy never showed up.

We got some new bookshelves last week, as well. It’s been on our wish list for quite some time. So part of the weekend plan was to set up the bookshelves. As a family.

We started about 1:30 on Sunday. And of course, it wasn’t just building the bookshelves. We ended up rearranging about half the house. And cleaning. All the cleaning!

Normally we have about one or two bags of garbage in a week. Two is a lot for us. Yesterday we took out two.

I think we swept the house at least a dozen times. Having a wood stove means a lot of debris gets brought in. And that gets scattered around the house.

I’m not a big fan of cleaning. I’m a terrible housekeeper, honestly.  Yet when I start cleaning, it’s usually pretty thorough. The only thing I didn’t do today is mop (and it may happen yet…). I wiped down walls (fine, not all of them), I dusted, and brushed off cobwebs. Yeah, there is still plenty of dust and cobwebs. And our living area is a lot cleaner than it was 24 hours ago.

We live in a small house, that we probably outgrew some time ago. Every once in a while we rearrange and adjust and make it livable again. Today was one of those days.

By 8:30 pm, we were all exhausted, and irritable, and very hungry. Too tired to make dinner. My (wonderful and amazing) husband took us all out for dinner. Thank you!

My day didn’t go as planned, and I’m probably going to be sore tomorrow. And I’m pleased with what DID get done today. Now, hopefully we can get the washer repaired!

Blessings,

Mary