Do Your Choices Empower You?

I had an interesting discussion with someone this week about whether or not we choose the experiences we have in our lives. WARNING – ABUSE TRIGGER.

Spiritual ContractsBoth of us were abused in some way when we were younger, though she much more than I. Through my readings of people like Sylvia Brown and some work I’ve done with Akashic Record clearing, I have come to believe that we choose the experiences we are going to have before we are born. I describe it like a huge buffet table of experiences – “I’ll take a little of this, a bit of that, and a big helping of that!”And yes, we even choose the ‘negative’ experiences.

There is a popular philosophy among people who explore spirituality. . .that describes a spiritual contract we enter into when we begin our various incarnations. In that contract we agree to accept and experience everything which will happen to us in our lives.

~Greg Gourdian, from

The way I see it, from our soul’s perspective, there is no good or bad, there is only experience. My soul knows this incarnation is temporary, and something that may have a profound effect on my experience of this life has a much smaller effect on the experience of my soul. Knowing that I would not be truly able to know what joy was without experiencing some sadness, my soul chose to experience a wide range of things, even though I may not necessarily enjoy the experience.

For my friend, saying that she chose her abuse experience on some level was very triggering for her. It implied that she “asked for it”, that it was somehow her own fault that she was abused. When she explained this to me, I felt horrible! That was not the message I wanted to give at all!

I don’t like the idea of experiences randomly thrown at me by some impartial Fate. For me, the idea that I chose my experiences is empowering. I chose what lessons I was going to go through. I may not have chosen exactly all the details, and yet I still chose the experiences. I still have free will and choice in how I respond to the experiences that I am given.

By taking responsibility for the choices I believe I made before I came to this life, I also have the power to choose how I respond. And if I take the time to respond rather than react, chances are better that I will experience more joy and less sorrow.

Taking the abuse as an example, as a child, I did not ask to be molested. As a soul I may have chosen to experience abuse so I could later be better able to have compassion for others who were abused. Or I may have chosen to understand the importance of learning to say NO! from a place of power. As a teen, I did not ask to be emotionally and verbally abused by my boyfriend. As a soul, I may have chosen to experience an unhealthy relationship so I could better recognize a positive relationship later in my life. Or I may have chosen to learn how to set better boundaries to keep myself safe.

I am grateful to my friend for helping me get clearer about my beliefs around choosing my experiences. I am also grateful to her for raising my awareness that this idea could trigger some people’s negative experiences. And, if she’s reading this, I am very sorry our conversation triggered you in that way.

Have you been abused by anyone? How does the idea that you chose your experiences sit with you? Please share your comments below!



4 Responses

  1. I understand how a person could be triggered, I was an abused child, a battered wife and thinking that I planned those experiences brought every thought from “Why did I choose that? How could I do that to myself? That’s crazy talk! What was my soul thinking? Was I being punished for something that happened in another life? I also felt a tangle of emotions, everything from anger to sorrow, rage to self blame, disgust to feeling like a victim, and the concept that I chose these experiences somehow got twisted into a though of “You are excusing the abuse, saying it’s okay that it happened, that it was my fault”
    As I healed and grew emotionally and spiritually I was able to understand the contract,pain and suffering are not enjoyable experiences, yet they are valuable in forming who we will become. I also understand that the only person I have any control over is me, I can say and do things to bring attention and awareness to issues, thats it. I don’t belive it’s okay to cause harm to any being, but I also understand that abusers are doing what they know or learned, that they are also in pain to be able to inflict it on others. It doesn’t excuse it, or make it desirable, however, it’s an aspect of life.
    Over the years I’ve come to value, nurture and love myself, my life is filled with amazing loving people, I have compassion and understanding for people who are being abused today, and I also have hope that they will find their way to love again. The pain of the abuse has transformed into compassion, empathy, and a genuine love for life.

  2. so i read this post a few days ago and was’nt sure how to respond at the time, so i decided to leave it. i am taking a women’s studies course as of recently and i was wondering if some of the topics may trigger some old programming and traumatic experiences as i suffer with ptsd. today however i felt empowered by a ah ha moment i had as i was coming home from class. we had briefly talked about terminology in the course of the first section we were covering, and the word opression came up. i thought about the defintion in regards to one experience i had in a toxic realationship i had: opression, to put down and keep down another human being in a position of authority. and so i was thinking of this term, when it hit me, what if in this reincarnation, in my contract i had chosen to learn about opression. what if in a previous reincarnation i misused my own power, and stood in a position of authority or class, and i wanted to understand the difference being those who are in a higher class, and those who are in a lower class, and what issues do they have. it made sense, because alot of times those in lower incomes statisticly are at higher risk of opression and or traumatic experiences. i had always before gotten a little irritated with the thought of well you chose this life, and these experiences, so take responsibility for it, like oh wahhh, suck it up buttercup. it devalued my sense of worth, because i did not ask to be molested, or raped, or for a abusive partner, and those were the hardest, and darkest times of my life. i felt people who took that position were being apathetic and not trully understanding the pain i went through, and there for they some how were valued higher than me by some cosmic force because they had better experiences than me. it was when i stopped the comparisons, and looked only at myself, it made sense, cause all those situations were pretty opressive, as a child, a teen, a younf adult. perhaps i chose to learn what it felt like to be opressed, so when i took a position of leadership, i would not abuse my power from a place of ego, and there for could help other empower themselves who also were or are oppressed. it was when i changed my thinking the ephiany kicked it. like oh, i get it now, that’s what that person meant. and perhaps i was not meant to understand it from them, and from a different teacher, the point is, i now can fully accept and take responsibility for my soul’s experiences in this life without resentment or blame. ( and believe me it is not an easy thing to do) for i realized, as i saw on fb, forgiving another for their wrongs to you is a gift to them, ( however taking responsibilty and forgiving yourself is harder) however by doing so, and walking away to let it all go, is a gift to you, because you wipe the slate clean, and can write whatever story you choose without the past coming up again. a friend of mine had once said to me, any label, of a disability, mental or otherwise can be overcome in some way or form, yet she was not sure how to do so with ptsd. it was when i realized what she said about her depression was also the case with ptsd. while i chose certain lessons to learn in this incarnation, nothing is written in stone, i still have free will. it always bugged me that if i chose my lessons, then my higher self planned my entire life from birth to death like a big apt book, how anally boring is that… yet again when i choose to see things differently of i chose a lil of this, and that, with room to be me and to explore, and how that plays out is based on my free will’s decisions, that made much more sense to me, and the way i accept the universe to be. and honestly i find it really freeing, because now it does’nt have to plague me anymore, because i now i am choosing from my true alignment. so here’s to my higher self, thankyou for your guidance, i am glad i chose to listen, instead of resist, here’s a big muahhh and hug to you- love ya- u rock, keep up the good work. and i ask the question, what areas of your life are you resisting, instead of allowing the inner stillness guide u to the answer you are looking for? and instead of being hit by thors hammer, how can u catch it and throw it back?

  3. Thank you, Dawne. What a great example of overcoming experience and choosing differently! I love your choice of compassion.

  4. Phoenix, it is such a joy for me that you allowed yourself to be open for new insights to come in!

    I am resisting my job, and I am resisting writing my course for some reason. The busy-ness of work is not working for me – I need to make time for stillness.