If you look at my on line presence at all in the last two weeks, I’ve been very sporadic. Little bits here and there, then I vanish for several days at a time. No more content on my website, no blog posts, no facebook updates or tweets. I haven’t even responded to most of the emails in my inbox.
From all outward appearances, I’ve checked out. And that’s even what I was saying to myself a couple weeks ago.
But just today, as I make my presence known in the online realm again, I realized I was really checking in.
I was checking in with my children: playing Lego Star Wars II and reading stories with them, playing and snuggling. Making deposits in their emotional and relationship accounts.
I was checking in with my husband: cuddling and having great conversations, letting him know I appreciate him, and that I feel so blessed to have him as my partner. More of those relationship deposits.
Most importantly I was checking in with myself. An opportunity came up at my job for a higher position, with better pay, but also more responsibility and more hours. We’ve been struggling financially as we both move to following our passions. So the pay raise would be good. And perhaps this is an opportunity for me to learn more about running a business, even a non-profit, and learn more about leading people.
On the other hand, it would mean putting my passion on hold, and probably spending less time with my family. And having to lead in an environment that has not been healthy for some time. In other words, I would be fighting an uphill battle that is not something I am passionate about.
There was one other thing that really helped me make a decision. And it goes back to August.
In August I went on a week-long spiritual retreat with The Peaceful Woman. It was an absolutely incredible week, but with regards to this decision, one specific incident kept coming back to me.
At the beginning of the day, each of us set an intention for the day. Later, we were at a heiau, a sacred place, where the our thoughts and messages were sent directly to Source. We had time to meditate. I was meditating on how I could bring my financial income into alignment with my purpose. I got a very clear message back: I kept saying that I wanted to earn my income from my passion, but I was not committed to it. If I would make a deep commitment, that included phasing out my job, the Universe would step forward and support me.
Coming back to the present, I felt that the opportunity at my job was a test of my commitment. Will I follow the money, or will I stick with my purpose? Which decision is in alignment?
After checking in to feel each decision, I’m not going to apply for the position. I’m not willing to put my work on hold for my job. It wasn’t an easy decision, and yet, I am content. I’m in alignment and back on track. And I am grateful that I have the tools to discover what is in alignment with my purpose.